I used Jen Fulwiler’s random generator to choose my word for the year and it resonates.
“UNTANGLE”
I realize I’ve been slowly untangling from obligations and expectations toward/of others. It feels right and generating this word randomly is confirmation that I should continue to do this with more intention.
In a weird way, it’s kind of hopeful. Sort of like a prerequisite to being truly me. I’m good with that.
Assume every person you interact with is wounded. You have no idea, like NONE, what that person has been through. You are not entitled to know the details of another person’s trauma, life experiences or hardships to evaluate whether their POV is acceptable to you. Try not to be a dick.
I haven’t paid attention to this site since early 2020. Now, nearly three years later, I’m ready to refamiliarize myself with the (probably) outdated medium of blogging. I miss being proficient with WordPress and plugins, basic SEO and generally just writing. Does anyone read blogs anymore? I don’t. I also don’t care if anyone reads my random thoughts. This is my personal challenge and accountability record.
This year will be about healing for me. Childhood trauma and more recent betrayal are top of mind and high on the list. I also plan to end the year healthier, happier, more empowered and with skills and experiences that are new.
I don't read blogs much anymore so I haven't been inspired to blog myself.
The idea of creating a record of this weird time does interest me.
It's been 8 weeks since PA started to close down.
Mark's last day of school was March 13. I kept him home the day before because I knew it was imminent and I thought it was ridiculous that schools were still open.
Kate got out of Europe just in time for a relatively smooth experience through airports. She had decided the day of Trump's press conference to come home and booked a flight hours before he made the announcement. Her flight arrived in Pittsburgh about 8pm on March 12. She avoided delays, crowds and bottlenecks at customs. She self-quarantined for 2 weeks but by the time she was out, everyone else was quarantined.
Luke spent most of that week in Florida training and hoping to play a couple of matches which were canceled. Then he spent a stupid night in Cleveland partying with his teammates and arrived here Sunday afternoon with three of his teammates. Two of the teammates left later that afternoon with rumors of a national lockdown. The other left the next day.
Hannah's company moved their equipment out of the co-work space the same week.
Big Mark's club closed about the same time that schools closed. He was offered 30 hours a week at half pay for about 2 weeks doing odd jobs inside the club until the 3rd week in May then he went on unemployment.
Things were crazy that first couple of weeks. Things were closing, people were hoarding toilet paper. You had no idea if we were going to experience death tolls like China, Italy and Spain. It was freaky and the month of March 2020 felt like a decade.
April wasn't quite as chaotic but then time became irrelevant. Anchored by food and trips to the grocery store.
Every day felt like Groundhog Day. The same over and over. There was nowhere to go. There was nothing to do. Some people got busy on house projects.
I can't work with people underfoot. I made some masks and was happy for the distraction and the reason to hide out in the basement.
A lot of PokerHoops happened as Ron figured out a way to deal via video conference. (Fucking technology!)
We had a couple of family Zoom meet ups. For the most part, though, everything continues to be the same.
Kate turned 20. Mark will "graduate" in a couple of weeks. Things are supposed to loosen up with restrictions tomorrow.
I intend to buy some rum and brandy (for Sangria).
We're hoping to go to the cabin with the kids on Saturday. We need a change of scenery.
When I decided to write a post every day for 30 days, I knew it would be a challenge for me.
I set the bar low. I knew one of the barriers would be to remember to write every day since I’m not in the habit of blogging. I know, yawn. I missed a couple days here and there just for that reason.
Weekends were harder since more people are home and I’m generally out of my morning routine anyway.
Inspiration is also tricky but I didn’t put any pressure on myself to share profound insights.
I might write a couple of catch-up posts. Maybe not.
I might continue. Maybe not.
I still like this medium as a place to catalog things that happen. Or things I think about.
Life’s good, y’all. I’m enjoying this phase.
Supporting without enabling.
Doing things for your kids that they can do for themselves at any age isn’t a great idea. (I wish I had studied Marie Montessori since this is an essential element of her teaching method). I have mostly failed at this because tbh, things just get done faster if I do them. Overall, less friction but also, less learning.
Now that the kids are older, it’s even harder to watch them struggle with real-world challenges without interfering if I have the time or resources to smooth things out.
At least one of my adult children rarely asks for help and usually refuses if I offer. The other two, half and half. They’ll sometimes ask for help from me or another sibling, other times, they take care of things on their own. I try to remind myself that struggling will help them obtain skills and perspective that will serve them. To be honest, it’s just easier if I’m not in a position to help and we can all talk about how that was better in the end (or how much that situation sucked).
I had the privilege of working for one of the kindest, smartest, most patient and loyal people I may ever know.
He was my first boss after law school.
When I stepped into his chambers on September 1, 1993, I had no idea how much he would influence my perspective on family, marriage, faith, kindness, fairness, justice, writing, work, reason, humor, golf and fun. Not to mention how ridiculous cases, lawyers and litigation could be.
Family was everything to him. But he was just as loyal to friends, colleagues, clerks, staff and community.
Most of his clerks were editors of their law review or Ivy league grads (or both). I wasn’t either of those. I’m certain he gave me a chance because he and my dad were friends at Duquesne. Luckily, he was a patient teacher and I learned pretty quickly.
Plus we truly appreciated each other’s company and sense of humor. I always got to try out his golf swing/putting aides in the day-off courtroom first. Here’s one that I mastered within a couple of swings and he thought I should go on tour. Don’t laugh, the guy at one time was a one digit handicap at Oakmont, where he was a member.
He was one of my biggest supporters when I quit practicing law to take care of my kids. He told me later that he considered me one of his most successful clerks because of it. High praise considering some of his clerks went on to become some of the most prestigious lawyers in the city including a judge, a university president, Assistant US Attorneys and some of the best and brightest practitioners within and beyond our region.
I’m eternally grateful that he gave me a chance and allowed me to be part of an exclusive fraternity of clerks.
Eternal rest grant unto him o’ Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him
May his soul and the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace, Amen
I bore myself! Yuk.
I started this 30 day challenge to write a blog post every day just to write. My goal was to get words on the screen. I didn’t get preoccupied with images. I didn’t care about SEO. I didn’t impose a word goal on myself. I just wanted to get this done for the practice of it.
The good news is, I truly don’t care whether anyone else reads these posts or if they stumble across them and leave immediately.
At the moment, I don’t care about engagement, sharing anything useful, expressing an opinion. These posts are just some of my thoughts from the day or week in writing. Yeah, boring.
So, sorry if you found your way here from my Twitter or Instagram account and can’t get out fast enough.
Maybe I’ll let you know if I write anything worth reading. For now, I’m just getting myself through this challenge.
I work part time from home when my boss has a project for me. He hasn’t been very busy which leaves me a lot of time to get some other things done.
A couple of bigger projects with no set deadline have been hanging over my head. If they were deadline oriented, I’d have no problem completing them.
Lately, I’ve been committing just 60-90 minutes at a time to these projects with the intention of returning to them the next day or later in the week and I have made significant progress on several projects. It feels great.
Another surprising thing is that I’m spending less time on them than I originally expected.
I thought it would take hours and hours over the course of a month to clear out the garage at our rental property to rent it out. In reality, I’m almost finished after just two or three hour-long sessions.
This is the title of a book by a guy I interviewed on my podcast and who has accomplished a lot, especially in the last 5 years. (Physics degree, 13-1 professional boxing record, military service, sobriety, successful online business, three books, over 90k Twitter followers).
I strive to completely adopt that attitude and it’s a quality I admired most about my dad. More importantly, I try to encourage the kids not to care what other people think-especially their parents.
I don’t want the kids to make choices based on what I think is best, I want them to make choices and learn from their own instincts.
How else can they grow and thrive on their own?
This idea has a slightly different context when I apply it to myself. There are some things that I would like to do or try but I hold myself back based on what other people think, including the kids. How weird is that?
For example, I would like to practice getting comfortable in front of the camera. I think it’s a valuable skill to be able to articulate an idea concisely with a camera pointed at you. An easy (in terms of non-cumbersome) way to do that is on Instagram stories but my kids (well, one of them) would be mortified. So, I haven’t yet.
A friend records herself regularly on stories as part of her fitness business/journey and I admire her so much for it. She has gotten more natural over time. Her stories are clear, concise, articulate and entertaining.
I’ve gotten better at not caring what other people think as I’ve gotten older. I would never have homeschooled the kids, started this blog, started a podcast or published an ebook if I had considered what other people thought of those projects.
I’ll press on, though. Doing and learning new things is the only way for me to grow.
What others think of me is none of my business.