Three Products That Have Made Caregiving Easier

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I returned to the world of caregiving (outside of parenting pre-adults) in September, 2024. I’ve written about my previous caregiving experience extensively when my mom and I made the decision to bring her oldest sister home to Pittsburgh and share the responsibility.

In this season of “Beth takes care of an adult human in her home”, my stepmom is the star and has joined the Phillips household and family. Though, she has the resources to pay for the nicest facilities, I’m here to tell you that unless family is there every day to advocate for every basic need, they’re all shit if your loved one needs any shred of assistance, let alone max assist and full care.

In this post, I’m sharing three products that I couldn’t live without as a 24/7 caregiver (though, it took me a little while to find them). Each improved my experience or in some way relieved a stressor.

Get You Some Ears!

Not unlike many seniors, my stepmom’s hearing isn’t the best and she watches a lot of TV to pass the time. Even though she has a private space with a door, the loud TV was a problem day and night for me. I work part-time from home and the blasting TV was disruptive. My stepmom was considering hearing aids but her stroke has left her completely dependent. Doctor visits require renting a van. She is unable to place, care for, charge, clean, or in any way manage hearing aids. Since she would really only need them for TV viewing and not quality of life otherwise, I am hesitant to add that caregiving responsibility.

I started researching personal headphones for TV viewing. Because of her limited strength and mobility of her left hand, she wouldn’t have been able to manage certain models that were over-ear/on her head.

Enter, TV Ears (affiliate link)

This image shows a product called TV ears which is an assistive hearing device for TV viewing

My stepmom can control her own volume and the outer TV volume can be inaudible. If someone wants to watch a show with her, she usually opts not to use the ears just to be sociable because they are noise-cancelling for her but if she had them on, the TV could be at any volume for the person in the room.

I go to bed much earlier than her and this product has saved my sleep and my sanity. The instructions were clear for easy set-up. The ears take 4-6 hours to fully charge and last about the same amount of time. Since she watches TV about 6-7 hours in the day and about 4-6 hours at night with only 2 short shifts in her wheelchair to eat due to her limitations, we ordered a second pair so that she would always have a pair charged.

The standard dock which is hard-wired to the TV has two charging stations. At about $125 for the initial pair and less than $100 for the second pair, this was well worth the money. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

Boost Nighttime Dryness!

My stepmom is dependent on adult briefs and is unable to get to or sit safely on a bedside commode without max assistance. The brand that I linked are great but before I thought that there might be a solution for more consistent night-time incontinence protection, I would have to do a full-on clothes and bed change 2-4 times per week usually in the middle of the night. On a couple of occasions, twice in one night for almost 3 months!

I was aware that some active adults wear incontinence pads for accidents day or night and wondered whether something like that would get her through the nights without soaking herself.

Enter adult booster pads!

I am not kidding when I say we both sleep better since I’ve been using these. I was lucky to find this brand out the gate as I’m not sure that if I tried another type or brand and it failed, I would bother to order another.

I turned to Youtube for basic research about this topic and this video was especially informative and directed me to this brand. I started with the 20 pack which lasted 20 days since I only need them at night, currently.

I was sold and have since ordered 3 packs of 20 twice. Literal Life (and sleep) saver.

Treat Yourself!

I had smaller, good quality washable bed pads leftover from caring for my aunt. She regained her continence shortly after moving in with me and rarely soiled the bed but I used them to keep her sheets fresh longer.

I quickly discovered that they were not big enough or absorbent enough for our current situation.

Enter 36″ x 38″ absorbency incontinence bed pads.

These fookin’ things keep the bed clean, absorb everything and would be worth it if there were 10x more expensive.

I watched a couple of the videos on the Amazon site by experienced users/caregivers and I’m so glad I grabbed these early on. I thought I might have to order more but the original 4 pack has held up well (a little over 5 months in), wash beautifully and have held up well to lots of wear and tear.

Bottom Line

For less than $200, I improved my caregiving situation immeasurably with the TV ears and bed pads and less than $30/month (cost of the booster pads for my situation). Please don’t skimp on easy solutions.

Turn to Youtube or Amazon reviews for solutions. I promise there is a solution out there that will solve or minimize your challenges.

Best to all of you caregivers!

Untangle

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I used Jen Fulwiler’s random generator to choose my word for the year and it resonates.

“UNTANGLE”

I realize I’ve been slowly untangling from obligations and expectations toward/of others. It feels right and generating this word randomly is confirmation that I should continue to do this with more intention.

In a weird way, it’s kind of hopeful. Sort of like a prerequisite to being truly me. I’m good with that.

Everyone is Wounded

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Assume every person you interact with is wounded. You have no idea, like NONE, what that person has been through. You are not entitled to know the details of another person’s trauma, life experiences or hardships to evaluate whether their POV is acceptable to you. Try not to be a dick.

Hello 2023

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I Miss Blogging

I haven’t paid attention to this site since early 2020. Now, nearly three years later, I’m ready to refamiliarize myself with the (probably) outdated medium of blogging. I miss being proficient with WordPress and plugins, basic SEO and generally just writing. Does anyone read blogs anymore? I don’t. I also don’t care if anyone reads my random thoughts. This is my personal challenge and accountability record.

This year will be about healing for me. Childhood trauma and more recent betrayal are top of mind and high on the list. I also plan to end the year healthier, happier, more empowered and with skills and experiences that are new.

COVID Blogging

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I don't read blogs much anymore so I haven't been inspired to blog myself.

The idea of creating a record of this weird time does interest me. 

It's been 8 weeks since PA started to close down.

Mark's last day of school was March 13. I kept him home the day before because I knew it was imminent and I thought it was ridiculous that schools were still open.

Kate got out of Europe just in time for a relatively smooth experience through airports. She had decided the day of Trump's press conference to come home and booked a flight hours before he made the announcement. Her flight arrived in Pittsburgh about 8pm on March 12. She avoided delays, crowds and bottlenecks at customs. She self-quarantined for 2 weeks but by the time she was out, everyone else was quarantined.

Luke spent most of that week in Florida training and hoping to play a couple of matches which were canceled. Then he spent a stupid night in Cleveland partying with his teammates and arrived here Sunday afternoon with three of his teammates. Two of the teammates left later that afternoon with rumors of a national lockdown. The other left the next day.

Hannah's company moved their equipment out of the co-work space the same week.

Big Mark's club closed about the same time that schools closed. He was offered 30 hours a week at half pay for about 2 weeks doing odd jobs inside the club until the 3rd week in May then he went on unemployment.

Things were crazy that first couple of weeks. Things were closing, people were hoarding toilet paper. You had no idea if we were going to experience death tolls like China, Italy and Spain. It was freaky and the month of March 2020 felt like a decade.

April wasn't quite as chaotic but then time became irrelevant. Anchored by food and trips to the grocery store. 

Every day felt like Groundhog Day. The same over and over. There was nowhere to go. There was nothing to do. Some people got busy on house projects.

I can't work with people underfoot. I made some masks and was happy for the distraction and the reason to hide out in the basement.

A lot of PokerHoops happened as Ron figured out a way to deal via video conference. (Fucking technology!)

We had a couple of family Zoom meet ups. For the most part, though, everything continues to be the same.

Kate turned 20. Mark will "graduate" in a couple of weeks. Things are supposed to loosen up with restrictions tomorrow.

I intend to buy some rum and brandy (for Sangria).

We're hoping to go to the cabin with the kids on Saturday. We need a change of scenery.

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I Knew It Would Be Challenging

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When I decided to write a post every day for 30 days, I knew it would be a challenge for me.

I set the bar low. I knew one of the barriers would be to remember to write every day since I’m not in the habit of blogging. I know, yawn. I missed a couple days here and there just for that reason.

Weekends were harder since more people are home and I’m generally out of my morning routine anyway.

Inspiration is also tricky but I didn’t put any pressure on myself to share profound insights.

I might write a couple of catch-up posts. Maybe not.

I might continue. Maybe not.

I still like this medium as a place to catalog things that happen. Or things I think about.

Life’s good, y’all. I’m enjoying this phase.

The Trickiest Thing About Parenting Teens and Twenties

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Supporting without enabling.

Doing things for your kids that they can do for themselves at any age isn’t a great idea. (I wish I had studied Marie Montessori since this is an essential element of her teaching method). I have mostly failed at this because tbh, things just get done faster if I do them. Overall, less friction but also, less learning.

Now that the kids are older, it’s even harder to watch them struggle with real-world challenges without interfering if I have the time or resources to smooth things out.

At least one of my adult children rarely asks for help and usually refuses if I offer. The other two, half and half. They’ll sometimes ask for help from me or another sibling, other times, they take care of things on their own. I try to remind myself that struggling will help them obtain skills and perspective that will serve them. To be honest, it’s just easier if I’m not in a position to help and we can all talk about how that was better in the end (or how much that situation sucked).

Rest Easy, Judge

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Image of Donald E. Zeigler
The Honorable Donald E. Zeigler

I had the privilege of working for one of the kindest, smartest, most patient and loyal people I may ever know.

He was my first boss after law school.

When I stepped into his chambers on September 1, 1993, I had no idea how much he would influence my perspective on family, marriage, faith, kindness, fairness, justice, writing, work, reason, humor, golf and fun. Not to mention how ridiculous cases, lawyers and litigation could be.

Family was everything to him. But he was just as loyal to friends, colleagues, clerks, staff and community.

Most of his clerks were editors of their law review or Ivy league grads (or both). I wasn’t either of those. I’m certain he gave me a chance because he and my dad were friends at Duquesne. Luckily, he was a patient teacher and I learned pretty quickly.

Plus we truly appreciated each other’s company and sense of humor. I always got to try out his golf swing/putting aides in the day-off courtroom first. Here’s one that I mastered within a couple of swings and he thought I should go on tour. Don’t laugh, the guy at one time was a one digit handicap at Oakmont, where he was a member.

He was one of my biggest supporters when I quit practicing law to take care of my kids. He told me later that he considered me one of his most successful clerks because of it. High praise considering some of his clerks went on to become some of the most prestigious lawyers in the city including a judge, a university president, Assistant US Attorneys and some of the best and brightest practitioners within and beyond our region.

I’m eternally grateful that he gave me a chance and allowed me to be part of an exclusive fraternity of clerks.

Eternal rest grant unto him o’ Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him

May his soul and the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace, Amen

Now I Remember Why I Don’t Journal

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I bore myself! Yuk.

I started this 30 day challenge to write a blog post every day just to write. My goal was to get words on the screen. I didn’t get preoccupied with images. I didn’t care about SEO. I didn’t impose a word goal on myself. I just wanted to get this done for the practice of it.

The good news is, I truly don’t care whether anyone else reads these posts or if they stumble across them and leave immediately.

At the moment, I don’t care about engagement, sharing anything useful, expressing an opinion. These posts are just some of my thoughts from the day or week in writing. Yeah, boring.

So, sorry if you found your way here from my Twitter or Instagram account and can’t get out fast enough.

Maybe I’ll let you know if I write anything worth reading. For now, I’m just getting myself through this challenge.

Chunking Up Tasks Has Been Working For Me

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I work part time from home when my boss has a project for me. He hasn’t been very busy which leaves me a lot of time to get some other things done.

A couple of bigger projects with no set deadline have been hanging over my head. If they were deadline oriented, I’d have no problem completing them.

Lately, I’ve been committing just 60-90 minutes at a time to these projects with the intention of returning to them the next day or later in the week and I have made significant progress on several projects. It feels great.

Another surprising thing is that I’m spending less time on them than I originally expected.

I thought it would take hours and hours over the course of a month to clear out the garage at our rental property to rent it out. In reality, I’m almost finished after just two or three hour-long sessions.