Author Archives: Beth

Jumping into the Joy Conversation

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Small step buttonD1Elizabeth is talking about taking small steps toward joy and inviting others to share. First, let me give the book she co-wrote with Danielle Bean a shameless plug. It’s a perfect read for busy moms to develop a new habit of taking baby steps toward a day directed to being present and finding God’s will for you. Each month focuses on a theme and January’s entries are all about JOY. Good timing, no?

Why does joy seem to be so elusive to so many of us who really are living our days surrounded by the people we love most and (at least in my case) doing exactly what I want to be doing right now. I know I’m content. I experience real peace when everyone is healthy and we’re not too busy. For the most part, I think we’re productive, growing, mostly thriving. I have friends and family who have suffered terribly this past year and I’m mindful that life turns on a dime. Elizabeth’s post made me wonder whether I am truly, deep-down joy-filled. I can’t say that I am but I can’t say that I’m not. Stay tuned.

I will join the conversation with this….I am joyful when I hear my 8 year old singing, humming, jiving, snapping, whatever he does-just because it’s in him. He is a JOY BOY-mostly. I am joyful when Luke says something that makes Hannah crack up. She gets him and he likes that. I am joyful when Hannah shares her heart with me. She’s an introvert just like me and it’s easy for her to retreat and ponder things on her own. I’m joyful when Kate creates something witty and amazing on paper. She’s a funny one that girl and I’d love to be inside her brain when it’s forming the pictures. Finally, I’m joyful that Mark and I often exchange glances or a private laugh when we catch glimpses of the kids’ personalities which makes me know that this all isn’t blowing by us unnoticed.

As other moms have confessed, it’s not all roses and kodak moments. As often as I take the time to appreciate these qualities in the kids, the very same things might annoy me at other times. I can be snappy and short. Sometimes I’m thankful that the windows are closed in the winter for fear that someone would hear me at the end of my rope. I’d love to be as patient and gentle in tone as some of my friends. I try and often fail. I guess that’s where joy eludes-in the failing. I try to remember to pray for patience, help, guidance or one of the kids’ guardian angels to please, just this once, let him listen the first time! Usually I forget to pray about it in the moment and it gets the better of me. I beg the Blessed Mother to share her heart for the day. Just the day. But every day I try to remember to ask.

I look forward to being intentional and following along as Elizabeth invites us to journey together~isn’t the joy in the journey?

~ Update ~

After writing this post last night and inspired by everyone else’s thoughts, I allowed joy to happen. Luke was at a late basketball game and the other kids wanted to finish up a project they were working on in the basement. I let them go at it a bit later than I normally would have but had them clean up by 8:00. After he brushed his teeth, Mark came into lay in my bed with me while we waited for the girls to say prayers.  The first “yes” was “sure, you can lay down with me while we wait”. Normally, I’d jump up and sit on his bed while we waited so as not to prolong the bedtime routine.

The next question was…”Can you read to me?” I haven’t read to him at bedtime in ages. I think the later nights with the olders and activities has made this part of the routine inconsistent at best, non-existent more like it. My response would have been “No, you wanted to stay up longer making crafts so there’s no time for books.” But having a slightly shifted perspective, I said “yes”. He went all the way to the basement for a picture book and chose “Who Owns the Sun.” A book with the perfect cadence and calm for the evening. I miss reading aloud at that time and the 4 of us squished onto my bed for the story.

Finally, we were laughing about why earlier in the day Kate was talking with a deeper voice to be funny. When she did it I was thinking she sounded like a drag queen but of course didn’t say that. So when we were making her do it again, I asked her how she came up with it. She was inspired by a “lady” which she said she wasn’t sure was really a lady on “Cake Boss”. Putting 2 and 2 together and judging by their impression of the customer, I guessed it probably was really a man. I know, I know, I should be more careful about the content (the episodes I’ve seen have all been pretty tame) and I don’t encourage the kids to make fun of people but her impression was spot on and made us all laugh. So thanks, Elizabeth for the inspiration to find joy in the everyday.

Starting Up Again

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Purging, that is. This is a constant activity for me. I really try hard to make tough decisions and not relocate things to the basement when I purge other rooms in the house but I think it’s inevitable. I have decluttered my basement more times than I can count and always, it goes back to looking like this……..

and this…..
and on the other side of the back recesses….
see those painted cabinet doors against the wall? Those are the doors from my kitchen cabinet…the one that looks like this now….
But let’s not get sidetracked. Back to the scary basement (see how I’m humbling myself?)…
Now into what I hope will be a TV room someday soon….
ACK! That primer on the paneling was started about 10 years ago.
And another view…
Doesn’t look tooooo cluttered over there except those boxes full of remnants from Mark’s previous job but HELLO BRADY’S! That mid-century couch is an iron in the fire…I’ll get around to slip-covering or reupholstering that soon. (One of my fears).
There you have it, my cluttered basement. I have already started clearing and making decisions. I took a load to the junk store and one to my mom’s. (I swore I wouldn’t do that because I have a feeling that I’ll be toting it out of there again some day-but that’s o.k. for now). I’ll post an update.
One thing that I decided to do was to make a conscious effort to get rid of empty or near-empty storage type containers. I had a couple of plastic drawer-type things on wheels that are useful for storage but decided that I wanted them out. If I don’t have them then the things that I’d normally store in them wouldn’t have a home and I’d have to get rid of those, too. The idea is to have LESS! Simple, right? We’ll see.

January Transition

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I had prepared a post related to the horrific events in Tucson, but then decided I didn’t want to add to the chaos and inflammatory discourse. Instead, I thought I’d relate how I’ve decided that January has been a perfect time to transition toward a new year.

I didn’t come by this concept naturally. I often feel like the week between Christmas and New Year’s is the time to purge, organize, wipe the slate clean, so to speak. I did that last year and it felt right. This year, though, inactivity during that week brought peace and calm.

It was tempting to feel as though Jan. 1 came and went and I missed the opportunity to reboot.

I decided that February is just as good as January for that purpose and January is a good time to prepare for it. I’ve adjusted my morning prayer routine a bit and am liking it. I’m trying out some new ways to keep everyone on track to do their school work. I’m trying new things in the kitchen. I’m thinking about some goals I have for the year. The weather has cooperated. When it’s snowy outside, normal life gets put on hold. Yesterday brought a houseful of kids who were off from school. Math and some writing was the only official school that happened for my family. Not to worry, play and snow shoveling in the fresh air fire those synapses, too. Not sure if Wii does, though. Oh well.

If I can articulate specifics, I’ll post about them because I have found that accountability motivates me and hopefully you, too-if you need it.

Embracing a NEW WORD is not abandoning the OLD WORD

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I’ve been thinking a lot about a new word for me to ring in the new year. I like this concept. Narrowing my focus on a practice or idea that needs some attention.

At first, I was a bit ambivalent about abandoning “simplify”. I needed it, I’ve tried to apply it, I’ve had some success but there’s a whole lot more to do in that area. I realized, though, that these words aren’t assignments to be completed (or ignored as the case may be), but they’re all works in progress. For me, changing my word and my focus for 2011 doesn’t mean I’ll stop simplifying but I hope that the work I did toward that end this past year will continue and will set the stage for other areas that I have to work on.

As was the case last year, I thought of a bunch of words and read a lot about the reasons that other bloggers had for choosing the word for them. Elizabeth wrote about “now” and living in the present. Always a desirable challenge. This year, she makes a very eloquent case for the daily pursuit of grace and joy. Sarah over at Clover Lane tossed around a few ideas before settling on “discipline” for 2010. Ann Voskamp over at A Holy Experience, whose thoughtful prose is multidimensional and always convincing, has decided on the year of here for 2011. I’m sure there are thousands more choosing a word. It’s tempting to adopt the word of another because the reasons they give could apply to me.

Inspired by Ann’s post (essay really) about fear, I began to think about how much fear influences my decisions and often inaction. In spite of my accomplishments, competence and efficiency in some areas, I realized that sometimes fear keeps me from doing the most mundane things. It also keeps me from doing big things. Fear doesn’t come from God and I’m certain that it often interferes with God’s will for me.

Fear of what you wonder? It’s not the typical pangs of fear that you might anticipate from a mother of 4. I rarely obsess or worry about the health and safety of the kids. Generally, I suppose I do as much as the next person as a situation might warrant. I’m talking about a fear that’s more subtle, but very powerful. Fear of ridicule, fear of making costly or time-consuming mistakes, fear of being misunderstood, fear of looking like an idiot. The result of this type of fear is a nearly constant internal dialogue that prevents me from acting and gets me stuck.

A perfect example is letting most of my friends and family know about this blog. I still haven’t broadcasted it. Part of it is a fear of putting myself out there and exposing myself to ridicule or judgment without a chance to defend myself. Honestly, I just want to write about things, I don’t want to have to defend myself. Another part of it is that I’m not sure most of my friends and family would really care what I write here. Most of what I write about, I tell them in person anyway, so for some, it would be redundant. My friend, Elaine, did find me through one of my DIY posts-but I figured that would happen eventually because I turned her on to my favorite DIY bloggers. Hi Elaine!

Well, the word for me for 2011 is “Fearless”. I have no intention of being reckless. My intention is to identify when fear is an obstacle, figure out what I’m fearful of and move forward in spite of it.

I’ll let you know how things go.

A Great Article About the Value of Play in Learning

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I saw this article today on the CNN homepage. It basically supports nearly everything I’ve ever read about learning. No matter what makes sense, though, I’ll never convince school officials that worksheets and textbooks aren’t the best way to learn. As a result, I include a bunch of worksheets in the kids’ portfolios at the end of the year. I used to include samples of their best work but realized that it was largely overlooked because the school official was looking for the worksheets and quizzes.

A few interesting quotes from the article:

Programs centered around constructive, teacher-moderated play are very effective. For instance, one randomized, controlled trial had 4- and 5-year-olds engage in make-believe play with adults and found substantial and durable gains in the ability of children to show self-control and to delay gratification. Countless other studies support the association between dramatic play and self-regulation.

Though I largely agree with this statement, I would argue that spontaneous, un-moderated play-such as that which happens in a homeschool is even more effective. The less adult intervention, the better. It’s difficult NOT to insert our ideas into spontaneous activity in order to “schoolify” it or make it a teachable moment, but I think it’s wise to stay out of it and let the kids tell you about it later if they want to. 


And another quote:

Through play, children learn to take turns, delay gratification, negotiate conflicts, solve problems, share goals, acquire flexibility, and live with disappointment. By allowing children to imagine walking in another person’s shoes, imaginative play also seeds the development of empathy, a key ingredient for intellectual and social-emotional success.
The real “readiness” skills that make for an academically successful kindergartener or college student have as much to do with emotional intelligence as they do with academic preparation. Kindergartners need to know not just sight words and lower case letters, but how to search for meaning. The same is true of 18-year-olds.
 

Again, I would add that children have a better chance of acquiring the skills mentioned without adult meddling. Specifically, I’m looking at the “live with disappointment” part. I think it’s very difficult for parents to allow their children to experience disappointment and they’ll do anything to buffer it or “fix” it. I’m not suggesting that kids shouldn’t be supervised-especially at a young age-but children will learn whether an adult is there to qualify it as learning or not.

As the article summed up:

“As admissions officers at selective colleges like to say, an entire freshman class could be filled with students with perfect grades and test scores. But academic achievement in college requires readiness skills that transcend mere book learning. It requires the ability to engage actively with people and ideas. In short, it requires a deep connection with the world.”


Wasn’t Charlotte Mason saying this over 100 years ago? Thought so.


So what if I’m validated, good luck trying to convince the Pennsylvania legislature (or the Federal Government which is now proposing universal preschool-I’m guessing not the play-based curriculum) that some conventional education practices aren’t working.

More than a mini purge-FREEZER!

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Ah, that felt good. I forgot to defrost our freestanding freezer this summer. You know how the time gets away from you. I was waiting for an above-freezing day to tackle it before the 50 lbs of grass-fed beef that we ordered is ready in January. New Year’s Day is supposed to be warm but I’m not sure what we’ll be doing so I went ahead and did it today. I did have to whip out the hair dryer to speed things along but it didn’t really take too much time. I ended up pitching some things (mostly leftovers and frozen grated zuchini) that I haven’t used and probably never will.

I’m not sure how this qualifies as simplifying except the purging part. Let me add that I’m considering purging the freezer altogether. I’ll decide about this after we use the beef. It’s an old freezer that a friend gave us and I’m thinking it has increased our electric bill significantly.

A Renewed Focus on Simplifying

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1. Sorry if you read this blog and were offended by the naked “follower”. I just noticed that, have no idea how that got there and I blocked it. YUK!

2. I’ve been tackling mini purging projects. In the post-Christmas downtime, I have organized and purged the following:
     A. Pantry cabinet and shelves. (There is definitely more to do here. I’ll post a photo of my after-see if I can get some organizing baskets or whatever and post an “after after” photo. I am humble enough to show you my “before” but I forgot to take photos.

     B. Kitchen utensil drawer (the one with the big utensils). It was a mess and getting on my nerves. I’ll do the main drawer today. Our flatware stays fairly neat and organized but the side spaces to this drawer need a little attention.

     C. My nightstand. I usually have anywhere from 3 books to 10 stacked on this tiny space. I just took them all off the stand and have to dive into the cabinet underneath and move a few things to the basement shelves. I’m not brave enough to get rid of my favorite Catholic books. These are the books that I read the most. I’ll have to consider this as I move toward minimizing.

There you have it. My itty bitty purges.

I’m thinking of jumping into flylady again. When I first discovered her site about 6 or 7 years ago, I probably applied 50% or less of the principles and it still made a huge difference. I just want to be more organized. Speaking of that, I ordered this book. I’ll click on SimpleMom occassionally and always enjoy Tsh’s articles. I couldn’t resist another simplifying book with organization tossed in to boot. I’ll let you know how it is.

As I mentioned on my other blog, I’m considering my word for 2011. I haven’t decided what it is yet. I’ll let you know, though.

Duggar Addiction

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The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do It

I have a confession to make. I LOVE the Duggars! Admittedly, I am fascinated by giant, homeschooling families. But let me explain what I like about theirs, in particular.

First of all, I expected them all to be so sickeningly sweet and seemingly perfect that I would cringe, but that really isn’t the case. I bought their book as soon as I heard about it hoping to find some organizational or discipline wisdom and I was surprised at how inspiring the parents’ story was. Michelle and Jim Bob are both very honest about their failures as well as their successes. I love how their marriage is a true partnership. They have worked together on nearly every endeavor and decision from the beginning. Even while she was hugely pregnant, Michelle helped at their used car business. At times when either of them made a decision without seeking the others’ input and without prayer, it was a disaster. This partnership approach is enviable.

I’ve always felt like Mark and I have a good marriage but feel like he has his primary role and I have mine. He deals with this and I deal with that. We do this pretty naturally. When we have to work together on something, we defer to each others’ strengths and for the most part, we work together really well and are very effective. The Duggars’ approach as a partnership was inspiring, though. They are exponentially more effective and efficient than Mark and I are. I’m not comparing-our lives are completely different- but it made me really want to work together more than we do on everything-even little things and to pray about EVERYTHING more than we do.

The kids and I have been watching the shows since they became available on Netflix streaming. In spite of their extreme conservative values, the Duggars really aren’t judgmental. They are pretty clear that the choices they’ve made are a result of lots of prayer as it relates to their own family. This issue has been addressed in the show. They don’t condemn anyone else for their choices and they treat everyone with dignity and respect. Jim Bob’s niece, Amy, is a regular and she’s a lot more secular but says that they welcome her, nonetheless. In one show she made a comment that they never treat her like the pants-wearing, sinful cousin. She’s as much herself as they are but they clearly love and respect each other. The Duggars don’t seem to waste time comparing themselves to others-what a refreshing and novel concept.

By the way, I don’t think judging others is reserved for people with conservative values. Plenty of liberal people I know have very little tolerance for those with more conservative ideas than their own.

If you read the book, there are lots of examples of how the parents weren’t afraid to try anything. They weren’t afraid to take chances and make mistakes. They’ve learned so much by not being afraid to try something even when they didn’t know anything about a project or venture-like running a convenience store or starting a towing business. Again, though, their experiences seem almost miraculous when driven by prayer and disastrous when impulsive.

Let’s talk about the kids. They are normal, funny and articulate. They aren’t afraid to be themselves. Occasionally, the show also features “The Bates” family and tend to make them look like the homeschooling wierdos, in contrast. The girls and I think Mrs. Bates harbors some intense jealousy for Michelle and masked her criticism in carefully stated “compliments” like “Michelle tolerates a lot more chaos than I do, so she doesn’t mind the children running around, screaming having great fun”-something like that. Another time she said something like “Michelle is so calm about taking time for herself, she’ll just decide she has to nurse the baby and disappear.”  We’re not big Bates fans.

Finally, about Jim Bob. I really thought I’d love to hate this guy. As it turns out, he is great. He’s not afraid to laugh at himself and is just very matter-of-fact about his principles-again without judging others. The producers do a good job of walking that fine line between poking a little fun and not making him look like a complete buffoon. As often as they show him being goofy, they show how smart and resourceful he is.

So, I’m a fan. If I’ve forgotten anything, I’m sure I’ll post again about the Duggars. 

Simply Fall

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Hannah has been taking photos like crazy. So far our fall has been beautiful. I love the huge maple tree next to our house. About 5 years ago we had about half of it trimmed so it wouldn’t overhang and it looks like they literally cut the thing in half. From a certain angle, it looks like half a tree. But it’s still beautiful this time of year.

Here’s another view since I can’t get enough….

This tree makes me smile! Hannah with a camera does, too.

Do You Know Hannah?

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I know you would expect me to say that I can’t believe Hannah is 13. Instead, I’m saying to myself, I can’t believe Hannah ISN’T 30! You probably expect me to say that I can’t believe it’s been 13 years since Hannah was born. Instead, I’m saying to myself….I can hardly remember a time that Hannah wasn’t a part of my life. The time has flown, no doubt, but it really feels like she’s been here forever-I mean that in the best way.

 

Hannah seemed like she was 13 when she was 8 or 9. She just got it. She always has. She gets it, even now. When something is off with her or someone else, she knows it.

Hannah has an enviable joyfulness about her. She just enjoys and appreciates things-whether it’s a really good piece of cake, a new hoodie or a funny joke.

For a kid who craves time completely by herself, she has an incredible ease with anyone. She makes friends very easily and when she does, the new friends’ parents usually comment about what a great kid she is. I know it but I really don’t take credit for it, she really was just born that way. EASY!

She’s a jack-of-all trades, this one. Hannah will try anything and typically excels. I remember when our music director at church wanted to have kids sing during Easter. Only one other kid signed up and I figured they would cancel it. Hannah had almost no singing experience and basically would be singing every song solo because the other little boy whispered. I was horrified that she was putting herself out there and my instinct was to graciously suggest that they skip it that year. Hannah wasn’t fazed or intimidated one bit-belted it out and knocked it out of the park.

Hannah’s becoming quite the photographer, photo-shop-er, guitar player and baker. Most of it is self-taught.

I don’t want to embarrass her by mentioning how amazed and impressed I always am by her art and writing. I could go on and on about it but then I would be the insufferable parent going on and on about her kids’ talent. Drawing is just a part of her. When she was too old for naps and started quiet time instead, she would spend the whole time drawing. Then at night, she’d spend an hour or so before she fell asleep drawing some more. She’s figured things out like dimension, perspective, motion and shading all on her own at a very young age. She liked to draw the same thing and would have phases. One of my favorite phases is when she’d draw girls sleeping under their covers. She’d draw the little bumps under the blankets, the closed eyes, braids sticking out, whatever.

Friends and relatives keep warning me about adolescence but honestly, I don’t anticipate much rebellion from Hannah. I look forward to navigating this time with her. I enjoy her company so much and love the talks we have.

Hannah’s the kind of big sister that I wish I always had (I have 4 brothers-no sisters). She recently said she wished she had a big brother-I understand and I told her it was great. The others kids will know some day how lucky they are to have a big sister like her

Happy Birthday Hannah (I won’t use my old nickname for you-do you remember it?).

Sorry some of the photos are blurry but my camera isn’t the greatest and some just capture her in spite of the pixels.
(Oh, and if you noticed there are a lot more photos of Hannah than the other kids, you’re correct. This child was THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED KID ON THE PLANET! I have ALBUMS of photos in her first year. I shudder to think of how much money I spent on film and photo processing before digital cameras became affordable. I need to consider hiding all the albums before the other kids realize how many more photos there are of Hannah.)

Love you so much, Hannah!

Happy Birthday!