I have a confession to make. I LOVE the Duggars! Admittedly, I am fascinated by giant, homeschooling families. But let me explain what I like about theirs, in particular.

First of all, I expected them all to be so sickeningly sweet and seemingly perfect that I would cringe, but that really isn’t the case. I bought their book as soon as I heard about it hoping to find some organizational or discipline wisdom and I was surprised at how inspiring the parents’ story was. Michelle and Jim Bob are both very honest about their failures as well as their successes. I love how their marriage is a true partnership. They have worked together on nearly every endeavor and decision from the beginning. Even while she was hugely pregnant, Michelle helped at their used car business. At times when either of them made a decision without seeking the others’ input and without prayer, it was a disaster. This partnership approach is enviable.

I’ve always felt like Mark and I have a good marriage but feel like he has his primary role and I have mine. He deals with this and I deal with that. We do this pretty naturally. When we have to work together on something, we defer to each others’ strengths and for the most part, we work together really well and are very effective. The Duggars’ approach as a partnership was inspiring, though. They are exponentially more effective and efficient than Mark and I are. I’m not comparing-our lives are completely different- but it made me really want to work together more than we do on everything-even little things and to pray about EVERYTHING more than we do.

The kids and I have been watching the shows since they became available on Netflix streaming. In spite of their extreme conservative values, the Duggars really aren’t judgmental. They are pretty clear that the choices they’ve made are a result of lots of prayer as it relates to their own family. This issue has been addressed in the show. They don’t condemn anyone else for their choices and they treat everyone with dignity and respect. Jim Bob’s niece, Amy, is a regular and she’s a lot more secular but says that they welcome her, nonetheless. In one show she made a comment that they never treat her like the pants-wearing, sinful cousin. She’s as much herself as they are but they clearly love and respect each other. The Duggars don’t seem to waste time comparing themselves to others-what a refreshing and novel concept.

By the way, I don’t think judging others is reserved for people with conservative values. Plenty of liberal people I know have very little tolerance for those with more conservative ideas than their own.

If you read the book, there are lots of examples of how the parents weren’t afraid to try anything. They weren’t afraid to take chances and make mistakes. They’ve learned so much by not being afraid to try something even when they didn’t know anything about a project or venture-like running a convenience store or starting a towing business. Again, though, their experiences seem almost miraculous when driven by prayer and disastrous when impulsive.

Let’s talk about the kids. They are normal, funny and articulate. They aren’t afraid to be themselves. Occasionally, the show also features “The Bates” family and tend to make them look like the homeschooling wierdos, in contrast. The girls and I think Mrs. Bates harbors some intense jealousy for Michelle and masked her criticism in carefully stated “compliments” like “Michelle tolerates a lot more chaos than I do, so she doesn’t mind the children running around, screaming having great fun”-something like that. Another time she said something like “Michelle is so calm about taking time for herself, she’ll just decide she has to nurse the baby and disappear.”  We’re not big Bates fans.

Finally, about Jim Bob. I really thought I’d love to hate this guy. As it turns out, he is great. He’s not afraid to laugh at himself and is just very matter-of-fact about his principles-again without judging others. The producers do a good job of walking that fine line between poking a little fun and not making him look like a complete buffoon. As often as they show him being goofy, they show how smart and resourceful he is.

So, I’m a fan. If I’ve forgotten anything, I’m sure I’ll post again about the Duggars. 

Our library system has thousands of good books on CD appropriate for all age ranges. For a long time when the kids were younger  I was reluctant to check them out. I think I was worried that listening would discourage reading. I also imposed an impossible standard on myself to read certain books aloud to the kids. I do read aloud to the kids but sometimes it’s tough to find one story that they all like and as the kids get older, it’s trickier to make time at the end of the day which is my favorite time to read chapter books. Sometimes, one of the kids wants to read ahead and that’s fine but then they’re less inclined to sit with the rest of us while I’m reading. I also was imposing the book-to-movie standard on audio books (read the book before you watch the movie) unnecessarily. In our experience, listening to books on tape only encourages reading and cultivates a love of stories.

We have enjoyed tons of books as a family in the car on long and short trips. Sometimes we’ll even wait in the garage to hear the end of a chapter. We prefer funny stories with great narrators (our favorite narrators are Keith Knobbs and Johnny Heller but there are lots of other great ones). We’ve even turned off books by favorite authors if we didn’t like the narrator but that hasn’t happened too often. I’ve had pretty good success finding books that appeal to the age range of my family, as well as to my husband and me. The unexpected benefit of enjoying books together is that the common experience helps make us closer. It’s not the only thing we do together, of course, but it’s a good one. We laugh together, talk about the books, quote them, and sometimes share our criticisms. As the kids get older and their individual interests take them in different directions, sharing books has been a comfortable commonality.

We recently listened again to a book that we all fell in love with about 2 years ago. “The Aurora County All-Stars” by Deborah Wiles is a clever, poetic story about baseball and small towns and the people who give them life. Each chapter is introduced by either quotes from baseball greats or an excerpt from “Leaves of Grass”. Wiles’ prose is captivating even to the youngest of my group. Mark was probably 5 when we first listened to the book and he was the one who suggested checking it out again and we enjoyed it as much the second time around. Finally, the story makes a case for playing any game as a way to be part of something greater than the win or loss. (Some day, I’ll address that sorry state of affairs in youth sports in another post).

You all remember Kate Jackson from “Charlie’s Angels”. Admit it, she was never your favorite, mine either. This book changed all that. Jackson’s brilliant narrative brought each character to life from 12-year-old House Jackson, the main character to Phoebe “Scoop” Tolbert, the town gossip columnist.

Even if you don’t listen to “The Aurora County All-Stars”, treat yourself to a book on tape.

If you haven’t heard of this woman or read this book you must. Immaculee Ilibagiza survived the Rwandan holocaust hidden in a bathroom for 91 days with 7 other women. I describe this book as the most beautiful and the most terrifying story I’ve ever read. You will fall in love with Immaculee and be inspired by her faith and grace in spite of the horrors she witnessed and lived through. All but one other member of her family was brutally murdered during the killing spree that was largely ignored by the rest of the world. On it’s face, her survival story would be enough. Try standing in a 3 x 4 foot bathroom by yourself. Then imagine standing there with 7 other people. Then imagine living there for nearly 3 months-all while trying to stay quiet so the rest of the household or the the killers who were still looking for you couldn’t hear you. But the survival isn’t the beginning or the end of her story.(Google Immaculee and click “images” you’ll see a picture of her sitting in the bathroom where she was hidden-not sure about copyrights so I didn’t copy it here) Clearly, God had other plans for her. Her faith, in particular-praying the rosary, is responsible for her survival and ultimate forgiveness of those who committed the atrocities. Miracles happened in that bathroom and afterward when she was liberated but still not safe.

If you do decided to buy her book, consider ordering it from her website because proceeds go to her foundation which helps Rwandan orphans.