Category Archives: Family and Friends

Jumping into the Joy Conversation


Small step buttonD1Elizabeth is talking about taking small steps toward joy and inviting others to share. First, let me give the book she co-wrote with Danielle Bean a shameless plug. It’s a perfect read for busy moms to develop a new habit of taking baby steps toward a day directed to being present and finding God’s will for you. Each month focuses on a theme and January’s entries are all about JOY. Good timing, no?

Why does joy seem to be so elusive to so many of us who really are living our days surrounded by the people we love most and (at least in my case) doing exactly what I want to be doing right now. I know I’m content. I experience real peace when everyone is healthy and we’re not too busy. For the most part, I think we’re productive, growing, mostly thriving. I have friends and family who have suffered terribly this past year and I’m mindful that life turns on a dime. Elizabeth’s post made me wonder whether I am truly, deep-down joy-filled. I can’t say that I am but I can’t say that I’m not. Stay tuned.

I will join the conversation with this….I am joyful when I hear my 8 year old singing, humming, jiving, snapping, whatever he does-just because it’s in him. He is a JOY BOY-mostly. I am joyful when Luke says something that makes Hannah crack up. She gets him and he likes that. I am joyful when Hannah shares her heart with me. She’s an introvert just like me and it’s easy for her to retreat and ponder things on her own. I’m joyful when Kate creates something witty and amazing on paper. She’s a funny one that girl and I’d love to be inside her brain when it’s forming the pictures. Finally, I’m joyful that Mark and I often exchange glances or a private laugh when we catch glimpses of the kids’ personalities which makes me know that this all isn’t blowing by us unnoticed.

As other moms have confessed, it’s not all roses and kodak moments. As often as I take the time to appreciate these qualities in the kids, the very same things might annoy me at other times. I can be snappy and short. Sometimes I’m thankful that the windows are closed in the winter for fear that someone would hear me at the end of my rope. I’d love to be as patient and gentle in tone as some of my friends. I try and often fail. I guess that’s where joy eludes-in the failing. I try to remember to pray for patience, help, guidance or one of the kids’ guardian angels to please, just this once, let him listen the first time! Usually I forget to pray about it in the moment and it gets the better of me. I beg the Blessed Mother to share her heart for the day. Just the day. But every day I try to remember to ask.

I look forward to being intentional and following along as Elizabeth invites us to journey together~isn’t the joy in the journey?

~ Update ~

After writing this post last night and inspired by everyone else’s thoughts, I allowed joy to happen. Luke was at a late basketball game and the other kids wanted to finish up a project they were working on in the basement. I let them go at it a bit later than I normally would have but had them clean up by 8:00. After he brushed his teeth, Mark came into lay in my bed with me while we waited for the girls to say prayers.  The first “yes” was “sure, you can lay down with me while we wait”. Normally, I’d jump up and sit on his bed while we waited so as not to prolong the bedtime routine.

The next question was…”Can you read to me?” I haven’t read to him at bedtime in ages. I think the later nights with the olders and activities has made this part of the routine inconsistent at best, non-existent more like it. My response would have been “No, you wanted to stay up longer making crafts so there’s no time for books.” But having a slightly shifted perspective, I said “yes”. He went all the way to the basement for a picture book and chose “Who Owns the Sun.” A book with the perfect cadence and calm for the evening. I miss reading aloud at that time and the 4 of us squished onto my bed for the story.

Finally, we were laughing about why earlier in the day Kate was talking with a deeper voice to be funny. When she did it I was thinking she sounded like a drag queen but of course didn’t say that. So when we were making her do it again, I asked her how she came up with it. She was inspired by a “lady” which she said she wasn’t sure was really a lady on “Cake Boss”. Putting 2 and 2 together and judging by their impression of the customer, I guessed it probably was really a man. I know, I know, I should be more careful about the content (the episodes I’ve seen have all been pretty tame) and I don’t encourage the kids to make fun of people but her impression was spot on and made us all laugh. So thanks, Elizabeth for the inspiration to find joy in the everyday.

Do You Know Hannah?

I know you would expect me to say that I can’t believe Hannah is 13. Instead, I’m saying to myself, I can’t believe Hannah ISN’T 30! You probably expect me to say that I can’t believe it’s been 13 years since Hannah was born. Instead, I’m saying to myself….I can hardly remember a time that Hannah wasn’t a part of my life. The time has flown, no doubt, but it really feels like she’s been here forever-I mean that in the best way.

 

Hannah seemed like she was 13 when she was 8 or 9. She just got it. She always has. She gets it, even now. When something is off with her or someone else, she knows it.

Hannah has an enviable joyfulness about her. She just enjoys and appreciates things-whether it’s a really good piece of cake, a new hoodie or a funny joke.

For a kid who craves time completely by herself, she has an incredible ease with anyone. She makes friends very easily and when she does, the new friends’ parents usually comment about what a great kid she is. I know it but I really don’t take credit for it, she really was just born that way. EASY!

She’s a jack-of-all trades, this one. Hannah will try anything and typically excels. I remember when our music director at church wanted to have kids sing during Easter. Only one other kid signed up and I figured they would cancel it. Hannah had almost no singing experience and basically would be singing every song solo because the other little boy whispered. I was horrified that she was putting herself out there and my instinct was to graciously suggest that they skip it that year. Hannah wasn’t fazed or intimidated one bit-belted it out and knocked it out of the park.

Hannah’s becoming quite the photographer, photo-shop-er, guitar player and baker. Most of it is self-taught.

I don’t want to embarrass her by mentioning how amazed and impressed I always am by her art and writing. I could go on and on about it but then I would be the insufferable parent going on and on about her kids’ talent. Drawing is just a part of her. When she was too old for naps and started quiet time instead, she would spend the whole time drawing. Then at night, she’d spend an hour or so before she fell asleep drawing some more. She’s figured things out like dimension, perspective, motion and shading all on her own at a very young age. She liked to draw the same thing and would have phases. One of my favorite phases is when she’d draw girls sleeping under their covers. She’d draw the little bumps under the blankets, the closed eyes, braids sticking out, whatever.

Friends and relatives keep warning me about adolescence but honestly, I don’t anticipate much rebellion from Hannah. I look forward to navigating this time with her. I enjoy her company so much and love the talks we have.

Hannah’s the kind of big sister that I wish I always had (I have 4 brothers-no sisters). She recently said she wished she had a big brother-I understand and I told her it was great. The others kids will know some day how lucky they are to have a big sister like her

Happy Birthday Hannah (I won’t use my old nickname for you-do you remember it?).

Sorry some of the photos are blurry but my camera isn’t the greatest and some just capture her in spite of the pixels.
(Oh, and if you noticed there are a lot more photos of Hannah than the other kids, you’re correct. This child was THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED KID ON THE PLANET! I have ALBUMS of photos in her first year. I shudder to think of how much money I spent on film and photo processing before digital cameras became affordable. I need to consider hiding all the albums before the other kids realize how many more photos there are of Hannah.)

Love you so much, Hannah!

Happy Birthday!

Wiffle Ball, Run Down, Release and Ultimate!

I’ve posted before about how great our neighborhood is. Summers especially bring out the best in it. Our house is on a corner lot and our yard is one of the best in the neighborhood for playing. Spontaneous games break out nearly every evening and sometimes days (mostly it’s been too hot, though). Mark is typically the youngest and kids as old as 14 are regulars.

When the kids decide to play something, they spend some time recruiting others and the games begin. I love not “arranging” this. It’s a lot like things happened when I grew up. No adult intervention required or allowed. Except for the occasional mom or dad who wants an at-bat to embarrass themselves or impress the kids. ( I won’t tell you which category I’d fall under).

I have to admit, “Release!” makes me the most nervous. When the boys started playing with the other kids last year, I would watch out the window waiting to see if one of my boys darted across the street without looking-but it didn’t happen. This year, I just don’t watch. They actually haven’t played release too often. The junior-high girls end up texting their friends and it usually takes so long to decide boundaries and teams, that it’s time to go home.

Run-down is popular and sometimes they play with 3 bases and 3 catchers. Mostly the kids avoid the run downs but it’s always funny when one happens.

Wiffle ball is fun to watch. The kids set up the hockey net as a back-stop and just try to hit it over the fence in the next yard. I have no idea how this is fun for the outfielders but once Mark got thrown out at 3rd by a blind bomb from the other side of the fence. That was big Mark (remember what I said about parents).

A couple of weeks ago, the kids started playing ULTIMATE FRISBEE and everyone loves it. It’s a game that a kids of any age and ability can play. I have no idea what the rules are or even what the object is but the kids basically run back and forth, back and forth until someone drops the frisbee, scores or gets mad.

We’ve had our share of too many screens this summer but I’m telling myself that it’s been pretty well balanced by a good dose of great games outside. Tomorrow is the last day of summer for the regular school kids and I’m thinking we’ll be hosting the last official game of ultimate for the summer, too.

Do You Know Luke?

This is the posture of a baby suffering from reflux. He always wanted to be held this way.
Luke was born on our 5th anniversary…Happy Anniversary, Mark!

Luke was my introduction to the common condition known as “reflux”. I swear it’s often mistaken for colic (do we even know what that is?). This boy cried every waking hour and because Hannah had been such an easy baby, for the 1st couple of weeks, I figured, it was just normal. Finally at his 4 week well-check, I described his inconsolable crying and all the paraphernalia I had desperately acquired to soothe him…(vibrating bouncy seats, front carriers, snuggle blankets) and his doc (who normally is reasonable) told me that if I wasn’t ready to jump out a window yet, he wasn’t inclined to put him through the battery of tests to diagnose reflux. Can you believe I went home accepting that answer?

Thankfully my good friend, Stacey, called that same day to see how things were going. She and her husband are both pediatricians living in Nashville and their first child suffered from reflux. She asked all the right questions and diagnosed him over the phone. She admitted that before her baby had reflux, she asked the moms of her patients all the wrong questions and probably missed a lot of cases. She suggested that I ask for a prescription for Zantac and give him Maalox a couple of times a day in-between to see if that improved things. Within 4 days, Luke was a completely different baby and he steadily improved into a happy, normal baby when he was awake.

Luke has always been industrious and doesn’t believe me when I tell him he’s patient. He’s been shoveling my mom and neighbor’s sidewalks for years and never expects to be paid-when they insist, he accepts graciously but reluctantly.

His first word was “ball”. He loves nearly any sport and is good at anything he tries. I’ve been told he’s a leader on the field and I believe it. He’s always gotten along with kids of all ages.

One of the reasons I decided to homeschool was to accommodate Luke’s approach to learning. He thinks about and studies a problem or challenge long before he tries it. I remember when Hannah was a little over a year old and she stood at her booster seat trying over and over again to clip it until she finally got it. Luke isn’t interested in a skill until he knows he can master it. One day, he just walked right up to the booster seat and clipped the darn thing. It’s been the same with a lot of things. That was the case with coloring and drawing. He just wasn’t interested in all the trial and error. He hardly ever draws and one day he drew a perfect likeness of ‘The Cat in the Hat”.

I can’t say much more about Luke without thoroughly embarrassing him. He may tell me to delete this whole post-so, I’ll just move it to my draft file again.

I’ll just post a few of my favorite photos….

This is when Luke kept me company on a trip up to the mountains to check on things after the big snow.
 
This is after he cut the grass in the mountains for the first time.
 
This is how I remember Luke in those first few months-cheeky!
 
Luke “cut” grass with his dad from the age of 2 until about 5. He loved when it rained because that meant the grass would grow. He even made up a song about it!
 
 
Happy 12th Birthday, Luke. We love you!
 
 
 

 

Do You Know the Original Mark?

Can you guess what he was teased about? 

My Mark is great. The first time I met him,  I was about 8 and he was about 15 (creepy). Don’t worry-nothing going on then except an innocent introduction, a nice kid (Mark) saying hi to a kid cousin (Me) and a very good first impression.

It’s impossible to write all the nice things about him but one of the most important is that he’s so patient with me! I use up most of my patience on the kids and he’s a good sport when I’m unreasonable or snippy or short or distracted. I try hard not to be all of those things but he rarely gets mad. Here’s an example….

Two summers ago we were heading out of town. I had a lot to do so we’d be ready when Mark finished work. We were on our way and the car just stopped. Stopped. Then I remembered that I forgot to get gas. By the way, Honda Odysseys have no reserve. There we were in the middle of traffic and managed to get to the side of the road before calling for help (we were pretty close to club where he works). I looked at him and said “Well, are you going to chew me out.” He looked back and said, “I don’t see how that would do any good.” So I said half joking, “That was a good decision because I’m sure I could come up with about 10 reasons why it was your fault.” And I probably would have if he had decided to let me have it. But honestly, it just isn’t his nature to belittle anyone.

So, I’m blessed. He’s the best dad. All the kids still light up when he pulls up the driveway or walks in the door. Frankly, I’m always glad to see him, too.

As I told him before, even on our worst days, there isn’t anyone I’d rather spend time with.

Happy Birthday, Mark. Thank you for robbing the cradle!

Love,
Me

Do you know Mark?

Mark turned 8 today. It’s impossible to believe that he’s been a full-fledged kid now for at least a year. I’m not buying it, though, because he still has dimples on his knuckles. Mark’s not only my baby, he is OUR baby. I keep saying his wife is going to hate us all because we really do baby him. We know we’re ruining him but we can’t help it.

Mark was almost “Jake”. Big Mark didn’t want the confusion of a “Jr.” in the house but aside from Luke, there wasn’t another boy’s name I loved as much as “Mark”. I liked others but for various reasons, couldn’t use them. Jake didn’t have a particular significance but I like it. When the doctor told me he delivered more Jakes than Marks, we decided on Mark. It has caused some confusion but nothing disastrous so far. That will likely happen when he’s working and generating utility bills.

When Luke found out I was pregnant again, he was so happy that he would have a brother and a roommate. I was worried because I didn’t know yet that I was having a boy. He got his wish and 2 boys and 2 girls works nicely for our 3 bedroom house.

A few days after he came home, Mark was laying on this “little couch” we had-you know the kind, a mini sofa bed for kids that unfolds. It was a fixture in our living room until it got too ratty. (I think back now and wish I had re-covered it). Anyway, each of the kids had a side of him. Luke was at his head and was just patting him and had his head next to the top of Mark’s and told the girls, “You know he loves me the most because I’m a boy.” They were only 4 and 2 at the time so it made them cry.

Mark still wasn’t crawling by his 1st birthday. He’d do this stealth crawl on his elbows and drag his legs around like a merman out of water. He was my 4th and I was blissfully unconcerned knowing that kids develop at different rates. When the pediatrician was concerned and ordered all kinds of tests, it was like a ton of bricks fell on my head. I really expected to go to his 1 year well-check and hear the doc say, “Kids develop at all different ages”. Part of the reason that I was so clueless was that Mark was so engaged and engaging as an infant and baby. He was so with it even before he could talk. My brother was visiting one day when Mark was about 9 months and said something sarcastic to me-as he often does- and Mark laughed on cue as if he got the joke. Ned looked at me and said, “It’s like he understood what I was saying.” I said, “He does that all the time.”

Mark turned out to be fine physically. The MRI was negative and by the time the home therapy was set up, he was walking.

Mark could read before he knew he could. He’d see words in a book (no pictures) or a sign and make some comment or ask a question based on those words. He did that all the time, too. The other thing he does is repeat things that other people say just before him but he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. I think he does this by visual cues that evoke a common memory or hearing a story that evokes a common memory but sometimes I think he’s just thinking about something else and hears the comment without realizing it and then repeats almost the exact words in a way that sounds like an original thought.

The boy has rythym! He was in the yard one day as a baby and someone drove by with a loud, booming rap beat. He started rocking on all 4’s and bouncing his head to the rythym. His dancing changes to the style of the music very naturally. If he hears a swing tune, for example, picture a version of the Charleston-jazz hands and stepping back and forth with the kicks. If he hears marching music, his posture gets straight, chin up and stiff. If he hears the soundtrack for a musical, he looks like he’s on stage and his moves are more “showy”. He can carry a tune and when he plays an instrument for the first time, it sounds like he can actually play it. Shame on me for not getting him into some kind of music lessons by now, I’ve been lazy.

The boy loves sports-any kind-and he’s good. When we learned about his possible developmental problems, his pediatrician said “You might not even know he has a disability but he’s not going to be the star athlete in school.” Who knows why a doctor would say something like that but he was wrong. He’s not a star because he hasn’t participated in organized sports but he’s a good athlete. The age difference between him and Luke has forced him to become proficient pretty quickly at anything Luke and the older neighborhood boys play. For the most part he keeps up but they’ve been patient and have always included him. I don’t know what he’ll end up playing-hopefully something without a lot of equipment.

Mark is industrious and I’m guilty of not letting him do as much as he’s capable. If you give him a job that has a purpose, he gets to it. I kick myself for not remembering this more often. He likes to the dishes-of all things-which isn’t more work for me at this point because he can reach the sink. He decided last summer that he wanted to make our basement room usable so he suggested “getting the junk out”. Typically, this is a job that I would wait to do when kids weren’t underfoot but we started and he spent a whole morning as foreman on the job. Very determined.

My favorite time of the day with Mark is first thing in the morning. He’s so squishy and warm and cuddly. He’s variably tolerant of the kids cuddling him but I always get to. He almost always wakes up first and it’s so nice to have a little quiet time with him. He’s past the stage where he challenges me as soon as his feet hit the floor.

Mark is dynamic and outgoing. I have a code for when he’s getting out of hand….QSO (Quit showing off), sounds harsh but I don’t want him to be obnoxious. It usually doesn’t work, anyway.

Ever since Mark made his communion, he doesn’t complain about Mass. I was a tad worried but he really does feel privileged to receive. His habit was to whisper “How many more minutes?” right after the processional, then again after the liturgy of the word, sometimes again right before communion. In fact when I asked whether he wanted to be an altar server, he said “yes” because then he could just ask the priest directly “how many more minutes.” He doesn’t ask anymore. Instead, he’s counting how many communions he’s had. Another note on the spiritual side of things, he said he wanted to be a priest. “Really?” I asked, “What makes you say that?” He said, “So I don’t have to get married.” OK then.

Mark is really funny but since he says something to make me laugh nearly every day, I can’t think of anything specific. Sorry. I’ll have to start posting things like that or jotting them down so I can remember them-for all the kids.

Happy Birthday, Mark! I can’t believe you’re 8 but I know it’s going to be a great year! We love you!

Memorial-In His Own Words

My father-in-law served during WWII as a navigator on a B-24 bomber in the Army Air Corp. His service was cut short when his plane went down in Nadzab, New Guinea. Most of the men on the airplane died in the crash. Every year on the anniversary of the crash, the co-pilot would call and they would catch up. I think at the request of this other man, my father-in-law recorded the events as he remembered them. Here are his words. Alert, the account is long. In memory of him and in attempt to preserve the account, I’m retyping and posting his type-written recollection.

Nadzab, New Guinea
May 21, 1944
“This is my best recollection of what happened in New Guinea on May 21, 1944. I believe my recollection to be good even forty-five years later, but since I sometimes think that this could never have happened to me, some minor details may be inaccurate. I have never until this year discussed these events with anyone else who would have any knowledge of what happened.
We were a B-24 bomber crew on a mission to bomb the island of Biak held by the Japanese just north of the western part of New Guinea. The distance was over 700 miles one way, so it would be a ten or twelve hour flight. The plane was a new one–never having been flown in combat before that day.
We were leading a flight and it is my hazy recollection that we, therefore, had an extra enlisted man on the crew. I believe he was a radioman.
The flight to the target was uneventful, but when we got near the south coast of Biak, we encountered some flak. Although I do not remember any flak close to us at that time we lost an engine. I am not certain but I believe it was the number two engine.
The pilot, Tom Janusz, or the co-pilot, Ed Kubitz, feathered the bad engine and we continued to lead the flight and drop our bombs on the Japanese headquarters area, which was our target. We then turned to return to our base at Nadzab still leading our flight.
On the way back the pilot tried the dead engine and it apparently worked well. We continued on all four engines until we got in sight of our field at Nadzab. We were either in our final approach to land or very close to it when two or three of the engines–I am not certain how many or which ones–began to cut out and in.
It is my understanding that we were unable to turn onto the runway because of the terrain and the admonition of never turning into your bad engine–or in this case, perhaps bad engines. As a result the pilot decided to attempt to keep the plane aloft until we could get to an emergency landing strip further up the Markam River or gain enough altitude to bail out.
The pilot and co-pilot were in their seats. As navigator, I was seated at my desk directly behind the pilot. The bombadier, Charles Gill, was standing to my right directly under the top gun turret and the crew chief, an enlisted man, was also on the flight deck.
It is strange that I cannot remember the names of most of the enlisted men. But I can remember their faces and physical descriptions vividly–well enough to describe them for an artist’s drawing.
We were very low having lost our altitude in preparing to land. The co-pilot ordered the enlisted crew to bail out, but in my judgment, we did not have enough altitude and I ordered them to the rear bombay bulkhead, supposedly the safest crash position. To this day I wonder whether I lost five lives or saved two. All the officers remained on the flight deck.
I attempted to put on my parachute harness and snap on my chute, but my harness was twisted and I could not snap it on. I remember very vividly thinking that if I took off the harness to straighten it out we might momentarily gain enough altitude to bail out. I was afraid that then everybody else would leave the plane and leave me all alone struggling with my chute. I remember that I was not so much afraid of crashing as I was that I might be left alone on the plane. I mustered all the strength I could and forced the chute on the harness in a twisted fashion. I still wonder if it would have opened properly if I had had the chance to bail out.
Even though the co-pilot obviously thought the crew could bail out safely, he made no attempt to bail out himself but continued to help the pilot try to keep the plane up long enough to get to the emergency strip.
I have often thought with amazement about how well the entire crew behaved in this emergency situation. I must admit that I had often thought about this before these events and I felt that some of them would not perform well. There was no panic. Everyone was under complete control.
The plane would pull up a few feet and then settle and this continued for a short period. Then suddenly we hit the trees. We must have stalled out and hit nose down for I do not remember cutting any path through the trees.
When the plane hit there was one large thump and then I remember a period of absolute silence. It seemed like several seconds elapsed and then I saw the pilot float straight up in the air and through the roof. Again, several seconds seemed to elapse and then the co-pilot appeared to float out to the right through the side of the plane. Again several seconds seemed to elapse and I felt myself floating very slowly up in the air and through the roof. I have no recollection at all of the bombadier who was standing inches away to my right.
How we could break through the roof or sides of the plane I cannot imagine. I recollect that later I saw only a cut on the bridge of the nose of the pilot. The co-pilot’s face or head were unmarked and I had cuts on my scalp and one under my chin.
I felt myself flying through the air and I landed in some large bushes or saplings in the jungle. I believe I landed feet first and then I hit on my back where I believe I had a jungle pack which may have saved me from worse injury. I have always felt that I was conscious throughout this perieod although because of the slow motion I remember I must have been close to unconscious.
I was very uncomfortable because I was lying on the bent bushes and saplings, but I felt no pain. My lower right leg was pointed out at almost a right angle and looked grotesque. I straightened it out with my hands so that it would look more normal. I was told later by the doctors that in doing so I had probably saved my leg. But they said that in doing so I had also taken the chance of cutting all the blood vessels and bleeding to death.
There was no debris from the plane visible to me and I could not see any other crewmen. I called out and one voice answered me and pleaded with me to help him. I could not make him understand that I could not move to help him and he kept pleading to me for help. Eventually he quit and I later assumed that he was one of the men who died at the scene.
I remember looking at my watch either just before the crash or while I was lying there just after the crash. It was 4:45 p.m. After a short while some natives came to the scene and approached me. They appeared friendly but could not understand me.
I got my parachute off the harness and threw it toward the natives. They took it and ran off into the jungle. I often think that they knew what they had and were delighted to get all that nylon for dresses for their girlfriends or wives.
My sensation as I lay there waiting for help was one of extreme happiness. I guess I was just lucky to be alive and I knew that I would be going home.
It was quite a while before help arrived. My recollection is that it was about six hours. I vaguely remember that it was still daylight, so it could not have been that long. They came up the bed of the Markam River in trucks to get to us. We stayed overnight at the scene of the crash and were were evacuated the next morning by a C-47 which landed in a clearing near the scene.
This was the first time I remember seeing any other members of our crew. I remember vividly that the co-pilot tried to keep them from putting him on the C-47. Apparently he wanted no parts of an airplane so soon after this experience.
We were flown to the 3rd Field Hospital. I believe it was near Nadzab. I was put in an ambulance with the bombadier. My right leg was all busted up with the bones protruding though the flesh so I was in a lot of pain during the ride to the hospital. I believe the bombadier, who appeared not to be hurt, had walked onto the C-47. During the ride to the hospital he was lying on a stretcher, but he kept getting up on one elbow to steady my stretcher and kept telling the ambulance driver to take it easy because I was having a lot of pain from the rough ride.
At the hospital the pilot, co-pilot and I were together, but the bombadier was not with us. I thought this was probably because he was not hurt. A few days later we were told that he had died of internal injuries.
The doctor took one look at me and said, “Son, the armistice for you was signed on May 21, 1944. You’re going home.” That was one of the happiest moments of my life. I was ready.
I had severe lacerations of my scalp and under my chin and an obviously broken right leg. Other than bruises and contusions, this appeared to be all. Howver, when they tried to put me up on crutches in a few days, I could not stand on my left leg. They discovered that I had fractured the top of the left fibula and the left peroneal nerve had been severed. Because of this I was to spend eighteen months in army hospitals–mostly New England General at Atlantic City,  New Jersey.
The pilot had only a slight cut on the bridge of his nose and after a few days of observation he went back to duty with the 90th Bomb Group. He visited the hospital a couple of times, but after that I never saw him or heard anything of him again.
The co-pilot to the best of my knowledge at that time had only a broken back. I remember that he was in a lot of pain. I was told that most of the pain was from kidney stones that had formed as a result of the large doses of sulfa drugs that we had all been taking to prevent infection. Penicillin was not yet available.
After the crash I do not remember seeing any of the enlisted men. I was told that only two survived. This seems strange because at the crash they were at the rear bombay bulkhead, supposedly the safest position, while the officers were on the flight deck, supposedly the most dangerous position.
In January or February, I met Ed Kubitz, the co-pilot at a convalescence hospital in Miami, Florida. It is strange, but I do not remember us talking much about the crash.
This is the first time I have ever written anything about the events of May 21, 1944, although I have spoken of it often. I have tried to be candid and give the facts as I recall them and I believe my recollection is excellent. I have not had the advantage of checking my recollection with anyone else who was involved. Any inaccuracies in this account are unintentional.”
1st Lt. Walter J. Phillips
0-685513
So, there you have it. Just one example of the type of courage and sacrifice demonstrated by thousands of service people. They do deserve recognition, respect and our deep appreciation. My father-in-law went on to attend the University of Michigan and Harvard Law School thanks to the GI Bill. He was a great story teller and no-nonsense type of guy. Tough as nails and extremely smart, constructive and productive. He lived a good, long life. At 80 years old, he was cutting firewood with a chain saw just days before he died of pneumonia.
In Memory

Mother’s Day, Expectations and Gratitude

My mother always insisted she didn’t want anything special for Mother’s Day. She’d say, “just be nice to each other and me every day”. She always appreciated the cards we made or the personal items we wrapped up like favorite toys or trinkets. One year my brother gave her the blanket off of his bed. He didn’t do it knowing that he’d get it right back that night. He wanted to give her something and it was useful. But he did get it back that night.

Anytime I have expectations for Mother’s Day, I am put in my place. I think this is generally true ANYTIME I have expectations. I’m disappointed in one way or another. On Mother’s Day, I usually wake up to a sick child, have to take someone to the emergency room or some other thing happens which promptly reminds me that being a Mother rarely leaves room for self-orientation and I’m always grateful for the reminders. In fact, I think anytime I’m thinking of my own needs, the day becomes a disaster.

I’ve never expected lavish gifts or to be treated like a queen. I’m too practical for expensive flowers or jewelry. If Mark insists on buying a gift, I usually suggest something that we need for the house, something useful for the kitchen or maybe a book that I’ve been wanting.

The “expectations” relate to my ideal Mother’s Day which includes visions of a little laziness, a dinner that I don’t have to clean up after and everyone getting along. Mark always works on Mother’s Day-he teaches kids and while lessons usually cancel later in the day, his Sundays start at 7am. As a result, I’m usually flying solo in the parenting department for most of the day. Since my expectations of a perfect day and the kids’ ideal don’t match-we all end up a bit out of sorts-not the way I want to spend the day with my treasures. That brings me to another expectation….I’ve never wanted to spend Mother’s Day away from the kids. The one year I arranged for Mark not to work so that I could run the Race for the Cure, I hated it. Not the Race…THAT is totally inspiring and I would encourage anyone who can to participate. But I hated not having the kids with me.

Little Mark has been battling some sort of virus. He’s been feverish and sluggish. He seemed better last night and will likely be fine for mass. I’ll consider that my first Mother’s Day gift-going to mass.

The kids were up late for different reasons, they’ll probably all sleep in so I’ll have extra time for the Rosary and some reading-might pick up the psalms. Gift #2.

Finally, I decided that I really want to be a good mom today. I kind of understand why my mom didn’t want special attention, I think she felt like she came up short in the mothering department. Don’t we all? We’re only human. But in our eyes, the eyes of her treasures, she didn’t come up short-we did. She was our everything and we wanted to prove on that one day that we knew it.

The difference between my mother and me is that she was a single parent. I’m not. She wondered how she’d pay the bills, I don’t for now. She wondered how to put food on the table, I’ve never had that worry as a parent. She wondered whether her kids were safe when she had to work, I haven’t had to work since becoming a mother (although I did work 2 days a week for a few years). I’m not saying that I think I’m a horrible mother. I’m saying, I fail sometimes. Lose patience, get distracted, react or just don’t SEE the kids because I’m preoccupied with the jobs around the house.

Today, in thanksgiving for the privilege of being a mother, I will pray to see Jesus in these faces that I imagined nearly my whole life. As I pray the Rosary, I’ll beg for Mary’s heart to turn to each of the kids in patience and gratitude when they call me. I’ll smile at their dad if he walks through the door with something completely impractical-just to show how much he loves their mother. Finally, I’ll hold each of them for as long as I can and thank God for overlooking my weaknesses and humanity and trusting me to be their mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to you, too. Enjoy your treasures!

Bloom where you are planted

The Windy City

Mark was able to get reservations for the Oprah show so we flew to Chicago last week for 2 days. Neither of us had ever been there so I was looking forward to seeing the city and EATING really good food. I love to eat-it’s my weakness. I don’t like to snack or eat candy. I like to eat meals. This could be a really long post, instead, I’ll just share a few observations.

1. It was great being together, it’s nice to know that we enjoy each others’ company even after all these years (17). We tended to want (or not want) to do the same things….also good to know. Mark’s good company-even if he did ask every cab driver the same question about the best way to get to O’Hare on Friday afternoon. 😉

2. In a city where you supposedly can’t get a bad meal, we managed to get a bad meal. My dinner was fine but Mark’s was bad. Don’t get the linguini with white clam sauce at Cafe Bionda-the clams weren’t fresh and the garlic was burnt. Our lunch in the hotel restaurant was worth the trip, though and Mark loved the breakfast at the hotel. Mine was good, too. We should have just eaten at the hotel the whole time.

3. I think I was the victim of beauty profiling. The audience crew hand-picks beautiful people to sit closest to the stage (including a group of Bears’ wives)-needless to say…..I was in the back row. They didn’t pick the seat for me, once the seats in the well right by the stage are hand-selected, everyone can find their own seat-we picked those seats because they had a good view. I’m not complaining, just making an observation.

4. Chicago cab service is way better than New York cab service. You feel like you’re getting hosed everytime you sit in a cab in New York City. They should do something about that.

5. I wanted the kids to see everything we saw. I don’t like to experience new things without them. I definitely want to save up and take them to Chicago some day while they’re still kids.

6. Even the people at the Bentley store were pretty friendly. They tolerated us and when Mark had the audacity to ask how much a Porche was that some rich couple was test-driving (or maybe they just bought it), some guy in an expensive suit with slicked-back hair said in a foreign accent “two hundred, seventy five thousand” and briskly walked back into the store. They should have shooed us out because we were making their cars look shabby, but we didn’t stay long.

7. If you ever go to Chicago, take lots of money. I think we’ll have to regroup and focus on our Dave Ramsey stuff. This trip came up unexpectedly and we did have the money to enjoy it but I’m trying not to think about what things around the house I could have fixed or improved. We never do this kind of thing and we both think it was worth the expense.
8. Oprah is exactly the same as she is on TV. She was very nice and gracious and it was a bit surreal being in the same room. I wasn’t overwhelmed or anything, it was just cool. I don’t even watch Oprah that much anymore-she has too many shows that aren’t appropriate for kids walking through the kitchen or guests that I just don’t have any interest in. But it was cool. I could give her ideas for really good topics to finish out the show-but I’m guessing she’s not interested in my opinion.
9. There are tulips planted all over the city and they are SPECTACULAR. I love tulips and enjoyed that as much as anything. I think all those colors were good for my brain, I could have looked at them for forever.
                         
10. We really wanted to bring home cubs hats for the kids and we couldn’t find the right one for each of them in the same store and didn’t want to chance it. Mark was feeling bad about it in the airport and while I was waiting at our gate, he almost panicked and bought a portable TV-he’s lucky,  I would have killed him. Since we never travel, they don’t expect souveniers-and they didn’t. It’s surprising that there weren’t a ton of Cubs hats everywhere you looked. We never made it out to Wrigley but still.
11. The Sears tower was cool. We didn’t have a lot of time but managed to get up there. The next time I go back, I’d like to watch the movie and learn more history about it.
The city looked like a playset from here.
 
12. We had some time to kill before we went to the show and were only 3 blocks from Holy Name Cathedral. We missed mass but were able to visit for a bit and look around. They had a relic of St. Faustina-love her.
It is May-had to include this photo in the courtyard
St. Faustina relic
 
We can’t wait to go back-hopefully with the kids.

Do you know Kate?

Maybe you have a Kate in your family. (Ah, but you couldn’t because ours is so……Kate) Kate is 3rd in a family of 4 children. All the nurses in the hospital told me “My 3rd was the EASIEST baby.” I couldn’t believe it but it was true. When I brought her home, she didn’t make a peep. She did projectile vomit-but never complained about it. The summer she was born, we went to the beach with my mom and by brothers and their families. A house full of people and nobody could believe how QUIET she was.

 

Well then I think she got tired of being ignored-I’ll have to admit, when your 3rd and easy,the other kids get things first and more often. At 18 months, she did a 180. She was still sweet but not quiet anymore. Her voice became the loudest when she needed something. I was just saying to her the other day that when she’s arguing with the others, I hear her and she usually gets in trouble for it-sorry Kate-my ears don’t like loud.

Kate almost wasn’t a “Kate”. Her name probably had more debate than any of the kids. It’s a good thing, too, because it fits her so well. Her real name is “Kathryn Virginia” (after a favorite aunt of mine) but “Kate” is so her.

Kate has an interesting birth story. The day she was born was “take your daughter to work day”. I rode the elevator up with my doc who had his daughter with him. I asked if she was going to see a baby being born today and he was so surprised. Apparently, he wasn’t dreaming of asking any of his patients for that privilege. So he said, “do you think she could?” and Kate had her first audience.

Kate is nurturing and funny, creative, generous, dramatic and a linguist (she makes up her own words-that actually work). One of the reasons that she and her brother, Mark are so close is that she’s always anticipating his needs and taking care of him-they fight, too, but I know her caring is genuine.

She cracks me up-she wears 2 different colored crocs and sometimes 2 altogether different shoes. People might think she’s doing it for attention-she’s not at all, she just likes it and honestly, so do I. I think it appeals to her artsy side and-it’s her. Any adult can make Kate laugh by saying a potty word-it cracks her up.

She’s horrified by nakedness. She doesn’t even like to see the boys with their shirts off-she thinks they’re flashing. We made the mistake of going to “Hooters” on vacation one year because they were showing a Steelers game and she almost couldn’t eat. But that was funny, too. This preference could have gone either way-she’s the one who came into the kitchen one day with the “Pretty Pretty Princess” earring on her belly-she was 3.

Kate could be an actress but doesn’t like the stage-so she’ll have to settle for Hollywood, I guess.

Here are some of her made-up words…

“Delicious this” this she told me at 2 meant to take a bite of something and say “Mmm Delicious”

“Shiver me up” this meant to pick her up in my arms and say “oooh” and sort of shiver. I don’t think at that point she knew the word “shiver”.

and a more recent one…”Come-offable”, meaning “removable”.

Kate would give all her money to the poor box at church if I let her-I don’t know why I don’t. Instead, she sort of spreads it out over the year. She used to take her change in a little change purse and dump it into the collection basket every week. She always takes extra coins for Mark, too.

Kate loves flowers and babies. She’d ask to go for walks around the neighborhood and either check off nature things that I had drawn or take pictures of the neighbors’ flowers. I can still hear her mini gasp as she saw the next one. “Uh” or “Oh, look at that one”. Those photos are impossible to purge from the computer-for practical and nostalgic reasons. She loves to feed the seagulls at the beach-she’s like a little St. Francis. By the end of the week, I’m certain those birds recognize her. They come swarming around as soon as they see that purple hat step out of the house.

Every morning Kate looks at me from her bed and flips herself over, violently sometimes, so that I can rub her back. She was like a little lion cub as a baby. If I was on the floor, she’d roll all over me, it was like she couldn’t get close enough.

Kate’s always finding things. She always finds coins and interesting things on the ground. One of her favorite things to do at the beach is find shells with her dad. She finds more 4-leaf clovers in the yard than anyone.

My mom watches my nieces. When she first agreed to take the job, she asked my older daughter, Hannah, if she could help sometimes. Kate, who was almost 8 at the time, thought she could do the job. I let her try and she was just as good with them. She’s always making up games for them-like treasure hunts and thinking of ways to help them do something. When the older niece was going to be a flower girl in a wedding, Kate made a little flower crown and collected a basket full of flowers to help her practice-and it helped.

Finally, the thing Kate probably loves to do most is DRAW! She’s so good at it, too. I wish I had her eye and imagination. She’s been drawing for as long as she could hold a pencil-I’m certain Hannah’s love and aptitude for it rubbed off naturally on Kate. I’m a relentless purger and it’s the one thing I can’t bring myself to pitch-the kids’ drawings. They have notebooks and drawing pads and stacks of looseleaf paper full of drawings. She and Hannah fill both sides of good art notebooks. To watch them draw is fascinating because I’m not especially capable of it. It’s incredible how the pencil moves and creates the things exactly as it’s in their brain.  I don’t watch them draw often enough. For me, keeping all their work is proof that the process is more important than the product-but in their case, the product is also pretty impressive. I’d include some pictures that Kate has drawn here, but that would be bragging.

Kate is a character. She’s her own person and I really hope that doesn’t change.

Happy 10th Birthday, Kate. We love you and hope you have a fun day!

Love,

Us