I borrowed a machine to convert our vhs-c tapes to DVD. My mom bought a video camera the summer before Hannah was born. Naturally, I adopted it.( Thanks, Mummy). I took a few days at the end of this summer to convert about half of the 60-odd tapes I recorded over the years to DVD. (Honestly I had to take a break and I may not be up to round 2 until next summer).

I have never been one to lug the video camera to the “memorable occasions” because I always just wanted to live and enjoy those moments. Instead, I almost always had the camera loaded and ready in case something funny or cute or interesting happened during our days together.

As a result, the tapes are AWFULLY BORING-but not to me. First, what I realized at the beginning of this project was that I was nauseated at the sound of my own, sing-songy, drippy sweet, mama voice. “GIVE THE BABY A NICE KISS!” “BIG GIRL!” “HOW BIG IS (INSERT CHILD’S NAME)?…..SOOOOOOOO BIG! I told my brother about this syndrome and he admitted that he said “SAY DADDA! SAY DADDA! SAY DADDA” before the babies could even see.

What struck me most, though, was how much I LOVED the mundane. I’m so grateful that I loved and enjoyed my time with the kids so much that I thought it worthy to whip out the video camera so I wouldn’t forget the everyday. I’m more grateful that I appreciated it enough to film than I am for the films themselves. (Don’t get me wrong-I love seeing the kids when they’re so little).

I loved being reminded that Luke has always had his own way of looking at the world. He’s also always been adorable and funny. Having the kids see how he inserted his own type of thinking and funny into the regular day helped them appreciate how he does the same thing now. I think it bumped up everyone’s tolerance for his sense of humor.

I love being reminded about how Hannah throws herself into everything with joy. I’m so happy I captured that.

I loved being reminded about how Mark has been so gentle and sweet with the kids since they were babies. This man was born to be a dad.

I loved being reminded about how vocal Kate was, even as a toddler….”WE’RE HAVING JELL-O, WE’RE HAVING JELL-O, WE’RE HAVING JELL-O!”

I loved being reminded about how SMILEY Mark was. Now I remember why I wasn’t worried about his failure to crawl and walk. He was so engaged and engaging. He’s smiling huge in every video when he was an infant…even when the others were sneezing, coughing and hanging all over him. Big smile! Oh how we’ve loved this boy!

Do you get it? I’m just so happy and grateful that I’ve known what my treasure is ALL ALONG! No tears watching those videos. Just relief that I’ve loved it and still love it.

When Mark watched them while they were playing, he asked….”Don’t you just wish you could have one day back?” Meaning go back in time to when they were young. Sure, I do. It’s a lesson and reminder in living in the present. Soak it all in. Appreciate what you have. Be Present!

But honestly. I really believe, this will be part of my heaven. I’ll go back to whatever days I want to, as many times as I want to-for eternity. Maybe even redo the bad days. “Dear God, I messed up on that day, could I relive it like I should have?”…..”Most certainly, this is your banquet, I thought you might want that…enjoy!”

My recording only goes to about when Mark is 4 or 5-maybe 6. I was thinking about this and beginning to regret that I’m not recording more of our lives now. The truth is, it wouldn’t be fair to sneak up on the kids with a video camera now the way I used to. (Yes, sometimes I turned the video camera on them when they were having temper tantrums or singing to themselves in their rooms.) They would never be as candid or tolerant of me recording the “spontaneous” as they were when they were little.

Had I worked for all of those years, surely I wouldn’t have known what I was missing. Likely, I would have been stressed about missing the “big moments”. Their first rollover, their first step, their first word, their first potty, their first day of preschool….whatever. When I say “stressed” I mean-not only to possibly miss those things but arranging my work schedule around things like the first day of preschool. There’s a huge chance I would have been too stressed to even care about those things. I’m so grateful that I chose the other path-that one that requires me to pitch the “Pottery Barn” and “Garnet Hill” catalogs in the trash as soon as they come. But that’s just the path I chose-and I’m grateful.

The gift of these tapes (now mostly on DVD) is realizing I’ve always been grateful for knowing how blessed I’ve been to be home with them. Instead of regretting those years I’ll never get back, I’m so happy to know those are years that can never be taken away.