My mother always insisted she didn’t want anything special for Mother’s Day. She’d say, “just be nice to each other and me every day”. She always appreciated the cards we made or the personal items we wrapped up like favorite toys or trinkets. One year my brother gave her the blanket off of his bed. He didn’t do it knowing that he’d get it right back that night. He wanted to give her something and it was useful. But he did get it back that night.
Anytime I have expectations for Mother’s Day, I am put in my place. I think this is generally true ANYTIME I have expectations. I’m disappointed in one way or another. On Mother’s Day, I usually wake up to a sick child, have to take someone to the emergency room or some other thing happens which promptly reminds me that being a Mother rarely leaves room for self-orientation and I’m always grateful for the reminders. In fact, I think anytime I’m thinking of my own needs, the day becomes a disaster.
I’ve never expected lavish gifts or to be treated like a queen. I’m too practical for expensive flowers or jewelry. If Mark insists on buying a gift, I usually suggest something that we need for the house, something useful for the kitchen or maybe a book that I’ve been wanting.
The “expectations” relate to my ideal Mother’s Day which includes visions of a little laziness, a dinner that I don’t have to clean up after and everyone getting along. Mark always works on Mother’s Day-he teaches kids and while lessons usually cancel later in the day, his Sundays start at 7am. As a result, I’m usually flying solo in the parenting department for most of the day. Since my expectations of a perfect day and the kids’ ideal don’t match-we all end up a bit out of sorts-not the way I want to spend the day with my treasures. That brings me to another expectation….I’ve never wanted to spend Mother’s Day away from the kids. The one year I arranged for Mark not to work so that I could run the Race for the Cure, I hated it. Not the Race…THAT is totally inspiring and I would encourage anyone who can to participate. But I hated not having the kids with me.
Little Mark has been battling some sort of virus. He’s been feverish and sluggish. He seemed better last night and will likely be fine for mass. I’ll consider that my first Mother’s Day gift-going to mass.
The kids were up late for different reasons, they’ll probably all sleep in so I’ll have extra time for the Rosary and some reading-might pick up the psalms. Gift #2.
Finally, I decided that I really want to be a good mom today. I kind of understand why my mom didn’t want special attention, I think she felt like she came up short in the mothering department. Don’t we all? We’re only human. But in our eyes, the eyes of her treasures, she didn’t come up short-we did. She was our everything and we wanted to prove on that one day that we knew it.
The difference between my mother and me is that she was a single parent. I’m not. She wondered how she’d pay the bills, I don’t for now. She wondered how to put food on the table, I’ve never had that worry as a parent. She wondered whether her kids were safe when she had to work, I haven’t had to work since becoming a mother (although I did work 2 days a week for a few years). I’m not saying that I think I’m a horrible mother. I’m saying, I fail sometimes. Lose patience, get distracted, react or just don’t SEE the kids because I’m preoccupied with the jobs around the house.
Today, in thanksgiving for the privilege of being a mother, I will pray to see Jesus in these faces that I imagined nearly my whole life. As I pray the Rosary, I’ll beg for Mary’s heart to turn to each of the kids in patience and gratitude when they call me. I’ll smile at their dad if he walks through the door with something completely impractical-just to show how much he loves their mother. Finally, I’ll hold each of them for as long as I can and thank God for overlooking my weaknesses and humanity and trusting me to be their mom.
Happy Mother’s Day to you, too. Enjoy your treasures!
