Not Caring What Other People Think is A Superpower

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This is the title of a book by a guy I interviewed on my podcast and who has accomplished a lot, especially in the last 5 years. (Physics degree, 13-1 professional boxing record, military service, sobriety, successful online business, three books, over 90k Twitter followers).

I strive to completely adopt that attitude and it’s a quality I admired most about my dad. More importantly, I try to encourage the kids not to care what other people think-especially their parents.

I don’t want the kids to make choices based on what I think is best, I want them to make choices and learn from their own instincts.

How else can they grow and thrive on their own?

This idea has a slightly different context when I apply it to myself. There are some things that I would like to do or try but I hold myself back based on what other people think, including the kids. How weird is that?

For example, I would like to practice getting comfortable in front of the camera. I think it’s a valuable skill to be able to articulate an idea concisely with a camera pointed at you. An easy (in terms of non-cumbersome) way to do that is on Instagram stories but my kids (well, one of them) would be mortified. So, I haven’t yet.

A friend records herself regularly on stories as part of her fitness business/journey and I admire her so much for it. She has gotten more natural over time. Her stories are clear, concise, articulate and entertaining.

I’ve gotten better at not caring what other people think as I’ve gotten older. I would never have homeschooled the kids, started this blog, started a podcast or published an ebook if I had considered what other people thought of those projects.

I’ll press on, though. Doing and learning new things is the only way for me to grow.

What others think of me is none of my business.

Did I Mention How Much I Love My Van?

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I was hoping to drive my 2008 Honda Odyssey for 200k miles.

About 20k miles short of that, Luke was hit at an intersection by a woman who ran a redlight and the car was totaled.

Even though we rarely drive anywhere with all the kids, I wanted another van for the option to take more than two other people somewhere and for the occasions that I need a bigger space for cargo.

I also discovered that I like more space in the driving area. When I drive Mark’s car (crossover), I don’t like having to put my purse on the passenger seat or the backseat floor. The Odyssey spoiled me.

The kids were disappointed that I didn’t choose something cooler but I love my new Odyssey! It’s quiet, smooth, roomy and feels powerful.

The lease expires in 2022 and I already know I’m going to want another van (a big SUV is too trucky for me).

Don’t Come Here for Thoughtful Essays

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As I mentioned in passing, I’m trying to get the writing muscles going again. I use the term “again” loosely.

I admire writers who can put together a thoughtful post that people feel compelled to read to the very end-even if said post is 500-1000 words.

I’m in no mood for that right now. I’m tryna get a few words down every day to establish a habit.

I’m not stressing over SEO, images, alt text, tags, etc. My goal is to write a post every day for 30 days to establish a habit of writing a post every day.

I write nearly every day with paper and pen. I don’t read that gibberish. I get it, this is gibberish, too but I think because it’s public (let’s be honest, nobody reads which is totally cool with me), it makes me a tad more accountable to myself.

I might feel like putting work into more thoughtful writing if I establish a habit. That’s not my goal right now. Also, I don’t read blogs very often and usually lose interest in long posts. I’m keeping it simple and enjoying other things while I enjoy this challenge.

Can We Take a Minute to Appreciate Snail Mail + Trash Collection ?

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The USPS and weekly curb side trash pick up are two services that I continuously appreciate.

The idea that I can pay .50 to mail a piece of paper anywhere in the country in a day or two is bonkers. I don’t love all the junk and with other private services, it’s probably obsolete but still.

Maybe I have geeked out about trash collection before. My guys will take nearly anything and as much as I put out, God bless them.

The only thing they didn’t take were the middle row seats that were in my garage when my old Honda Odyssey was totaled in Cleveland. The good news: someone picked them up anyway! (Low key, I have as much appreciation for dumpster divers (aka salvagers) around here who haven’t been quite as active since the price of metal has been down).

I hope this makes you think about daily or weekly things that you would miss if they weren’t there.

The Power of Words

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I’m thinking about the power of language.

The idea that we should choose our words carefully and be intentional about our language came up twice last week so I took notice.

In the past year, I have been more intentional about a lot of things, including how I phrase things. I’m a little better but I have a lot of work to do.

Words have power. (If you’re Christian, you accept that God created the world by speaking it into existence, #amirite?)

Words can also indicate an attitude, a perspective, a mood, an expectation. Words can wound or encourage. Words can convey fear or joy. Words can change an entire relationship or start a movement.

It’s easy to be casual about language and I know I have been most of my life. I’m trying not to be.

It matters to me to be broadcast the best, most encouraging, optimistic words for any situation. I don’t always get there but I try and I’ll get better.

I voluntarily immerse myself in words constantly (in contrast to images) by reading, writing, listening to podcasts and texting, to name a few.

I’ll be looking into a couple of resources to make me more aware or words that matter: “Word Up” by Dani Katz and Watch Your Words by Christy Whitman (I’m starting to like these 30 day challenges, wink).

A Simple Meditation Method That Works for Me

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The benefits of meditation are undeniable. From lowering blood pressure and improving productivity to rewiring key areas of the brain that control focus and self-awareness.

While some people consider prayer to be a form of meditation or vice versa, it has always felt different for me and I have tried a variety of methods to develop a meditation practice.

When I tried focusing on my breath, I felt like I was hyperventilating or unable to take a good deep breath. I’ve tried guided meditations but didn’t feel relaxed afterward. I’ve tried relaxing my body incrementally from head to toe. I’ve never tried a mantra because I always thought a certified meditation guru had to assign one.

Since none of these methods ever worked, I had no luck making meditation a habit.

To be fair, I was never sure what the goal of meditation was beyond training your mind to not freak out when the shit hit the fan by building that calm muscle when life was normal.

In the past year, I discovered a purpose and method of meditation that resonates.

Purpose: To quiet the mind.

Method: Pick a constant sound in the environment and focus on that. (The hum of a refrigerator or air conditioner, a lawnmower or at this time of year, locusts buzzing outside). These types of noises are fairly common in any environment.

Duration: 10-20 min tops. At least that’s what works for me. I set a timer for 16 minutes.

If I catch myself thinking of a problem or situation, I just redirect my focus to the sound.

I try to meditate within a half hour of waking up. There’s evidence that your brain is in a optimal state for the benefits of meditation soon after waking. (We’re talking brain waves-alpha, beta, gamma, delta, theta-all of which indicate a certain level of activity).

I think the practice has made me feel better overall. That can’t be a bad thing. I’m not an anxious person by nature but it has helped me worry less about things that come up.

Here’s a fun anecdote: I was looking for a magnifying glass to read micro print on something. After looking in a few drawers, I thought to myself: “My subconscious knows exactly where I put it.” I stopped looking and set the timer for 5 minutes to meditate. Within a couple of minutes, I knew exactly where it was and went right to it. (If that hadn’t worked, St. Anthony never fails).

If you’ve been trying to establish a meditation practice, this simple method might help.

We Interrupt This 30 Day Writing Challenge

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I experienced a temporary lockout to the dashboard of this site yesterday. One of the benefits of switching to a self-hosted site and choosing Hostgator (affiliate link)* is their excellent customer and technical support.

I don’t experience many technical glitches with this site but any time I have a question or issue, I have always been able to resolve it with a quick call (or Instant messaging) to customer service.

I had an idea what had happened (plugin update that was incompatible with the wordpress version) and might have been able to resolve the problem on my own with googled step-by-step instructions but calling made it so much easier and the tech was happy to help. (She was super sweet, too).

One bonus during this support call is that I was able to add a security certificate to each of the website I run (including this one) for free. The tech person just went through each one and added it while I waited.

So, yeah, I missed September 12 of this self-imposed 30 day writing challenge. If you’ve ever considered starting a blog or creating a website, I highly recommend doing a self-hosted site (as opposed to something like blogger if that even exists).

I wrote a post about why I switched years ago and those reasons are still valid. Hostgator has been a great fit for me.

*If you follow this link and make a purchase, I receive a commission at no additional cost to you-I really appreciate it. If you’d rather not use my link and still want to check out Hostgator, open a new window in your browser and type in “Hostgator”.

Another Thing I Suck At

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Birthdays.

My own and other people’s.

I don’t like the attention, opening gifts, getting gifts. My main goal on my birthday is not to have to pick up after anyone, cook, do the dishes or referee any arguments. Which, as the kids get older is easier to achieve.

Gifts are not my love language. At all!

Acts of service light me up. Not giant ones. Take out the trash without being asked. Put away the groceries (although I definitely won’t be grocery shopping on my birthday), put away your laundry, pick up your socks.

I’m also not a dessert person so if you pick up donuts in the morning or a cake for after dinner, I know it’s for you. 😉

I don’t mind getting older, a “happy birthday” or a drink with friends or a meal out. I’m not a total weirdo.

I love the kids’ birthdays only because I think about them all day and I like to think that they feel special on that day but I am terrible at gifts so I just ask them what they want or need. Since I’m not a gifter throughout the year, I really don’t care how much what they want or need costs.

Mark, God bless him, sometimes shows up with a bag of junk or a cool something-or-other that they usually love-but I cannot do that so I just don’t try.

Let’s Talk About the Weather

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We’ve had an exceptionally beautiful late August and September so far. I’m in the minority in thinking that Pittsburgh weather isn’t too gloomy.

I know we have few days of sunshine throughout the year but our seasons seem perfect to me.

Give me cool mornings and evenings with some sunshine (or clouds) in between. I’m good.

We did have a few torrential rainfalls this summer. That wasn’t fun.

I’m appreciating the weather this week. That’s all.

Trying to Be Intentional About Thought

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I love St. Paul’s instruction to think about true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, excellence and things worthy of praise. Phillipians 4-8.

Though it’s a simple concept, it’s not a simple practice. Partly because our cultural norm is to prepare for the worst. No matter how pleasant the news is, someone has to jump in with all the warnings.

It’s just as easy (with practice) to think about the best thing happening at the other end of a situation as the worst thing. They are both an exercise in your imagination.

Even remembering a good thing or a bad thing that happened in the past is relived (or not) in your imagination. You have to imagine it.

If I find myself worrying about a situation, I try to catch myself and imagine the best thing that could happen.

It helps.