Tag Archives: aging

Getting Old and Getting Glasses

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bifocals and cataracts getting old

…or WHY IS MY COMPUTER SHAPED LIKE A RHOMBUS?

I’ve known for a while (3 years) that I could benefit from some sort of corrective eye wear. Night time driving is sort of tricky and I try not to drive to unfamiliar places at night, especially if it’s rainy.

I’m a little young to be making conscious choices like that (kind of like when 80 year old drivers avoid making left turns) so, it was time to bite the bullet and get the eyes checked.

I figured I would need glasses for nighttime driving and for my convenience when I want to see things clearly far away. I read every night with no problem seeing the words on the page.

I didn’t expect the guy to tell me I needed glasses from the minute I wake up to the time I go to bed. Bifocals. What?!?

Once he showed me how clear the world can be, I was anxious to get them.

When I first put them on, I wanted to cry. The room was swirly like being in a funhouse with mirrors. The optician assured me that was normal. Huh? Although that sensation went away pretty quickly, I still felt like I was viewing the world through somebody else’s head.

When I walk, I feel 10 feet tall and as if I’m going to fall off the floor.

I’m not too impressed. I think they’re the right lenses. I don’t think they made a mistake. This business of having to tilt my head just so to see clearly is bizarre. Plus, when I look at my laptop or desktop, they are shaped like rhombuses. It’s true.

Everyone says I’ll get used to it but that’s nuts! It feels like there’s a spot about the size of my pupil through which I can see clearly at any given angle.

I’m thinking there hasn’t been much improvement in optics since Ben Franklin invented the bifocal.

How can Google invent glasses that lets you get on the internet but there aren’t glasses that allow me to see everything in my viewing area clearly without looking like a confused puppy?

That’s my rant.

Oh yeah, I have cataracts, too. Nothing like bifocals and cataracts to make you feel 70!

Teens and Caregiving Part Three

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Sandwich generation #teens #caregiving #elderly #strategies

If you’re one of the millions of Americans with parents over 65 and children still at home, chances are you’ll likely be facing a decision about whether to provide care for your parent or another aging relative.

While most children are adaptable and will pitch in wherever they can, many kids are dealing with overwhelming stress from school, friends and other demands in their world.

What can you do if your child doesn’t agree with your desire or need to take on a primary caregiving role?

In spite of the added demands on your own time, your first priority is to your family. If you have a choice and a careful consideration of the situation points to another option (assisted living, nursing home or hiring care and service providers from an agency or the community) sometimes you’ll have to go with that. I’m not suggesting that you cater to a whiny or self-oriented young person but I do think you should carefully consider whether the decision will lead to irreparable harm to your family.

A number of factors could lead to a teen’s inability to cope with another person under the roof. Feelings of grief or loss of the family member who needs care is a possibility. If the person suffers from severe dementia or extreme health conditions. If the person is scared, mean or confused. A recent death in the family or other crisis from which the child must still recover or intense situations at school could be other reasons that your child might be unable to cope. Whatever the reason, it’s not productive to judge it but you should consider any such factors when weighing your decision.

Here are some suggestions to help a child who can’t or won’t cooperate if you’ve already taken on the responsibility.

1. Adhere to familiar routines as much as possible or create new ones

Predictability is extremely comforting to most young children. Some kids continue to rely on familiar schedules and knowing what’s next depending on their personality type.

Even if the routine will change, preparing everyone ahead of time should minimize the stress.

2. Carve out chunks of time to connect with your child

You’ll both appreciate your efforts to do so and you can create memories you might not have had otherwise.

3. Talk talk and talk some more

Communication can be difficult with teens but talking about what seems like an outside topic (your relative) can help form a habit. Don’t wait for your child to complain or break down. Be proactive about bringing up any subject and make it clear that resentments are normal and you won’t be angry with him for expressing frustrations with the situation or the person your caring for.

4. Point out some benefits of the new situation

It may be that having your loved one in your home is easier than trying to manage her care in a nursing home, for example.

In my case, my aunt lived 4 hours away and in the weeks leading up to the decision to bring her to my home, I had to travel there at least five times in as many weeks with my mom to take care of issues that were popping up. Including an extended stay over Easter without the kids. That situation wasn’t sustainable and was extremely disruptive to our family life but my mom wasn’t able to manage the responsibilities and decisions on her own (she’s also in her 70s).

5. Look forward to something fun and positive with your children.

Make a bucket list of things that you might like to do when things return to normal. If you don’t want to wait that long, enlist the help of family and friends to get to it soon. Time spent just dreaming about fun things will be productive.

6. Be vocal about your appreciation when your child shows kindness, compassion and helps in any way

Even if that help isn’t directed to the person your caring for, let your child know that you noticed and that it helped you.

7. Seek counseling if necessary.

Kids process things very differently than adults and other kids. If you observe drastic changes in behavior, you might need the help of a professional to give your child an objective listener and some tools to manage the new situation.

Some of these suggestions seem obvious but they’re easy to forget or put off when you’ve added a full-time job to your already-busy schedule.

I would love to hear some other strategies for helping to minimize the impact of caregiving on children.

This is part 3 in a series about caring for teens and a sick or elderly family member simultaneously. You can read part 1 here and part 2 here.