Even though I mostly write about random goings-on in my life, I don’t often write about super personal things here. I guess I feel vulnerable. That’s as simply as I can put it. I think a lot about things I wish I’d known or done differently when I was younger. I would have told me some things-especially when I first got married.As required by our Diocese, Mark and I participated in pre-cana classes. Ours were a series of 4 weekly classes on topics like finances, family relationships, family planning, faith and other intimate things you don’t necessarily want to hear from a priest OR a couple in their 70’s-yikes! I looked forward to those classes, and they sparked some conversations which, up to that point, Mark and I hadn’t had. Unfortunately, I have to admit, after attending them, Mark and I pretty much winged it from there. We dealt with issues as they arose with very little planning, preparation or discussion about the future.I find myself thinking “I wish I would have known about this when we were first starting out” or “Why didn’t we talk about this before we got married?” or “Why didn’t anyone tell me this?”I’ll write about one today and others in the future. I don’t think there are many things I would have done drastically different but there are a few that feel pretty critical.

On Finances…… I WOULD HAVE TOLD ME TO PAY DOWN MY DEBT AND PLAN OUR SPENDING

Mark brought no debt to our marriage. I, on the other hand, dragged about $65,000 in student loans (undergrad and law school) and about $3,500 in credit card debt. Yes, I was one of those idiots who signed up for a credit card on the first day of college, got a free plastic cup and went shopping. I was so clueless about money and it’s taken nearly my entire adult life to see debt for what it really is….a huge burden!

It sounds weird but I would have done almost anything to avoid living with debt for as long as we did. I think it would have even been worth living with Mark’s parents-which would have thrilled them- for 18 months to 2 years in order to knock out that debt. Instead, we rented an apartment that we could afford on paper-according to our income-and began repaying my student loans. I remember the day I realized just how much I’d be paying monthly and for how long (20 years) and I literally was sobbing over the dishes when Mark walked in the door that night.

I kind of remember Mark paying for my credit card debt right away or maybe using some of our wedding money for that purpose. We no longer carried a balance but we continued to use a credit card for all of our purchases and paid the balance every month. I’m sure we were trying to earn airline miles or cash back or both with 2 cards. This practice tricked me into thinking we were financially secure and responsible. I believe Dave Ramsey who says doing this leads to over-spending. According to his figures, people who use credit cards for every day purchases and pay the balance every month spend an average of 18% more than they would have if they used cash. I know that was true in our case, except the figure was probably more like 20-25% more.

For my part, I’m certain I spent more on groceries, clothes, gifts, household items and entertainment, when we used credit cards. At one point, we got another credit card thinking our expenditures would come due at different times of the month so we could break up that balance. The problem is, I know we spent twice as much. It was crazy.

I have to admit that I felt entitled to lead a lifestyle of free-spending. I worked hard for my law degree. In my mind, lawyers lived a certain way. Luckily, neither of us have ever been extremely extravagant spenders-even if we haven’t planned our spending very well. I think this and the fact that we didn’t have a huge mortgage allowed me to quit my big firm job when I was pregnant with Hannah to work 2 days a week for a sole practitioner. I eventually stopped working after Kate was born.

I think I heard about Dave Ramsey in 2002. I checked out “Total Money Makeover” from the library. I thought it was so great that I bought a copy (I figured Mark would be more likely to read it if he could do so leisurely). Ramsey’s plan and principles made sense. Mark didn’t read the book but was agreeable to attacking our debt and was open to hearing about what I had read. Looking back, I would have urged Mark to read the book also so that we could plan together-rather than me telling him what each move should be.

Dave Ramsey was the first financial person I’d ever heard who advocated attacking the smallest debts first then applying those payments to the next smallest and so on. He calls it the debt snowball. (Most tell you to attack the biggest balance first or the card with the highest interest rate). The magic in Ramsey’s plan is the progress and momentum. With the other methods, it can get pretty hopeless when you don’t see much progress. I think we started knocking out those separate student loans early in 2003 and paid the last one off in 2005. That doesn’t sound great but considering they weren’t scheduled to be paid in full until 2013, it was significant.

We also began using a debit card or cash for purchases and quit using a credit card. We managed to pay off our car loans back then. We made the mistake of borrowing money for subsequent car purchases but quickly paid off those loans.

There are lots of other elements to Dave Ramsey’s steps and lots of bloggers go into detail about them and how they’ve applied them in their own lives. Tsh Oxenreider over at Simplemom has a series of inspirational posts.

Honestly, my 24 year-old self did not respond so thoughtfully when Mark’s parents casually suggested moving in with them to save money. I didn’t fly off the handle or anything but I’m sure I laughed and made it clear that I had no intentions of considering it. I admit that ONLY reading Dave Ramsey could have convinced me that it would be a good idea. Since Dave Ramsey didn’t write books back then, I don’t harbor a lot of regret, but if I knew then what I know now, I would have tried and just worked like a mad woman to pay down the loans.

If you haven’t heard Dave Ramsey or read his books, I highly recommend them. His approach is practical and when applied properly, very effective in achieving financial independence and total freedom.