Author Archives: Beth

Twymans in DC circa 1974

New Year Lots of Ideas

I'm turning 50 in 2018. It feels like I should make this year special. 

I hope to celebrate my birthday by recreating this photo taken in 1974 with my mom and brothers.

I love the stair-steppiness of the five of us. Also, how we all have that squinty look on our face (except Hugh who made himself a pair of sunglasses with his fingers). 

The photo above was taken by my Aunt Linda whose life and death punctuated 2017 for me and my family.

I'm taking on some new projects in 2018. One, in particular, scares me but I realize that sometimes those are the most rewarding opportunities. 

I listen to a lot of podcasts. A recurring theme in the ones I listen to is pushing the boundaries of comfort in order to grow. Our brains are wired to keep us safe which usually = comfortable.

All I can do is try. I'll probably look like an ass sometimes but what the heck, I'm almost 50! 

Other projects are ones that I started but haven't quite finished. It will feel good to check those off the list.

I plan to choose a word for the year but I usually don't do that on January 1. I'll write about that when I figure it out.

One habit I've been working on is to write every day. Whether on this site, the homeschool law site I maintain, personal projects or just journaling. I try to write 500 words a day but every time I read this post by Srini Rao, I'm inspired to challenge myself to write 1,000 words a day. 

Happy New Year! I hope you're looking forward to doing some interesting + scary things.


Kelauni Cook Going Deep with Aaron Watson

Tech, Crypto, Blockchain with Aaron Watson and Kelauni Cook

Aaron Watson is a podcaster from Pittsburgh so I’m probably biased.

Watson’s interview with Kelauni Cook is upbeat, inspiring, smart and incredibly engaging. Her enthusiasm for tech made me want to learn how to code!

Kelauni skipped from one impressive experience to the next after graduating from college. She realized in hindsight how valuable it was.

Cook was a member of the inaugural cohort for Pittsburgh’s first coding academy. She landed a job as a junior developer at the Washington Post upon completing the program and started Black Tech Nation, dedicated to diversity in tech through training. She’s also an instructor at the bootcamp.

What I loved most about this interview is Kelauni’s unique, non-linear path to coding and her enthusiasm for the future. Specifically how blockchain technology will change everything.

As a sidenote, I was interested in Kelauni’s journey to and through Academy Pittsburgh, the region’s first coding bootcamp. Although it has a rigorous application process, it’s an intensive, tuition-free training model. Graduates pay a percentage of their income for a limited time when they secure a job.

This learn-first, pay-when-your-training-helps-you-land-a-job model is being employed by more start-ups and academies and will disrupt the traditional 4 year, overpriced, college model.

Look for more opportunities like this in areas other than tech.

 

Shawn Stevenson Art of Charm with Jordan Harbinger Hack Your Sleep

Shawn Stevenson on the Art of Charm

Shawn Stephenson has a compelling story that starts with a freak injury while sprinting in high school (likely caused by poor nutrition) and culminating in taking charge of his health to repair his spine after years of debilitating pain, a cocktail of pharmaceuticals and massive weight gain. I'll admit that I cringed hearing about how he broke his hip just running since I worry about all the junk food my kids eat now that they're older. 

I am convinced after listening to Stephenson on the Art of Charm that lack of quality sleep is key to so many health problems and addressing the issue (he offers solid strategies in his book "Sleep Smarter")* would help people lose weight, cure chronic pain and live better overall.

It's not easy to make sleep a priority which is surprising because it feels so great. 

Sleep Smarter Shawn Stephenson

Not only did I buy the book but have recommended it to friends since it covers a variety of issues that arise from a lack of sleep.

Stephenson is the host of his own podcast where he dives deep into some of the fascinating information that he touched on in this interview.  I never knew that the lymphatic system is triggered by movement and helps cells eliminate waste and debris. Should have learned that in biology but didn't remember it. Also, sleep helps to decrease the production of stress hormones. 

I've been listening to the Model Health Show, too and will be sharing some of the better episodes here, too. 

Even if you're not interested in buying the book, catch this episode. It's entertaining, informative and Stephenson's story is almost miraculous.

I rate this episode 5 out of 5 stars. The information is supported by Shawn's research, knowledge base and practice. The story is compelling and Jordan conducts a top notch interview.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through a link from this blog, I receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. I appreciate it!

All Saints Day

All Saints

St. Zita, Bl. Luke the Contrary, St. George, St Ursula (All Saints Day, 2006)

It’s impossible for me to celebrate All Saints Day without a deep sense of gratitude to my aunt Linda whose faith informed my own.

She introduced me to Mary in a way that made her seem motherly, approachable and real rather than holy and separate from us. I’ll always be grateful for that.

My aunt always had books on her shelf about certain favorite saints and the classic “Butler’s Lives of the Saints“. She also sent the kids books and cartoon videos about saints for Christmas and birthdays.

She loved hearing about how the kids celebrated feast days.

The kids were in charge of planning and preparing lunch (sometimes dinner-woot woot) on feast days.

Not gonna lie, the “feasts” looked a lot like “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”. Popcorn, toast or cheese sandwiches and Kraft macaroni and cheese when they got older (there was a lot of cheese going on). Just about anything they could handle on their own.

Thinking about it, there were probably just a couple of things on the table but back then, it seemed to take hours and looked like a real party on the kitchen table and everyone dug in like it was the last supper (pun intended). They used the good dishes because they were special occassions.

To all the Saints whose intercession I implored over the years….Thank you! For any new Saints in heaven (wink, wink) Pray for us! We love you!

Electronics B&H photo

Why I Buy All High-End Electronics at B&H Photo

We’ve been buying photo equipment and other electronics at B&H Photo and Video since the mid 90s.

Back then they didn’t have an online presence but service was great and shipping was fast.

It’s impressive how well the brick & mortar store adapted to compete online with giants like Amazon, Target, Walmart and the bigger membership store retailers.

I usually buy an extended warranty (2-3 years depending on the item) which has recently paid off-twice on the same item.

We helped Hannah buy her second dSLR two years ago. She decided on the Nikon D610 after some extensive research. It’s a good entry-level professional grade camera that’s reasonably priced. (Relative to other pro models).

She dropped it during a photo shoot. One of the reasons I get the extended warranty (in this case 3 years for about $75) is that it covers damage from drops and spills.

Square Trade emailed a free shipping label, I boxed it up and sent it to their repair center.

It took a couple of weeks which was a bummer, but she got the camera back like new.

A few weeks ago, her shutter froze while she was shooting a Pittsburgh Thunderbirds game. Even though her camera had already been repaired once, the camera was still covered. Woo-hoo!

Pittsburgh Thunderbirds photo via Hannah Phillips Media

Ruh Roh-Camera broke.

I opened another claim. This repair was projected to take a few weeks because they were waiting for a part from the manufacturer.

I learned that when you purchase the Square Trade warranty through B&H, it carries a special 2-5 day guarantee. If they can’t repair your item within 2-5 days, Square Trade will refund the price of the warranty but still honor it until the warranty expires. You have to ask for this benefit, though.

The repair ended up taking less than two weeks after a B&H executive got involved. He explained to me that either Square Trade or B&H will make accommodations on a case by case basis to make sure their customers aren’t stranded without critical equipment while it’s being repaired.

I have opened claims on two other items that I purchased at B&H and got a full refund when they quit working. In both cases, the manufacturer’s warranty had expired so they really paid off.

B&H Photo’s customer service is the best. In the most recent case, I only contacted them to inquire about a rental or a loaner that I intended to pay for when Square Trade customer service was telling me the repair would take weeks. The B&H rep was appalled that the repair was taking so long and insisted on looking into the matter for me. He suggested that I email the customer service/sales executive to explain my situation. The exec ended up being a total badass but also professional. After he got involved, the estimated repair time turned from a couple of weeks to one day.

Here’s the lesson: B & H has your back. Purchase the Square Trade warranty directly from B&H.

How to Become a Straight A Student by Cal Newport

How To Become a Straight-A Student~Review

If you know someone heading off to college in the fall, “How to Become a Straight-A Student” by Cal Newport is a great resource. The sub-title (“The Unconventional Strategies Real College Stuents Use to Score High While Studying Less”) is true.

The book is full of practical strategies that I’ve never heard before and wish I had known when I went to college and law school.

Luke, the one starting college in the fall, is a good student and thrives under the accountability and structure of a schedule and assignments. He’s a little anxious about adjusting to the academics and managing his own time, along with all the other changes that college life brings.

I heard Cal Newport on a podcast discussing his new book “Deep Work“. He also briefly mentioned his first book (Straight A Student) which is a practical playbook dissecting and describing how top college students organize their time and study effectively without stressing out.

He mentioned one effective study technique as an example and I knew the book would help Luke.

Newport’s simple time management system, which he describes in the first chapter, is worth the price of the book.

If you implement it correctly, the simple system should only take 5-10 minutes a day of planning.

I’ll summarize it here but Newport gives a few clear examples to illustrate how effective it can be to minimize anxiety.

It requires a calendar (digital or physical) to record important dates and events. You’ll also need a piece of paper or something portable to jot the daily tasks on and things that come up during the day.

The calendar serves as the master schedule which you’ll consult each morning for 5-10 minutes to create your portable “to-do” list.

As the day goes on, you can check off or reschedule the to-dos, you’ll also record any new assignments or important dates on this portable note (sheet of notebook paper works fine). So, when your professor announces the date of a quiz at the end of class, if you jot it down on your sheet, you won’t risk forgetting if you don’t get back to your room until later in the day. It’s an easy way to make sure important things aren’t overlooked and you don’t have to rely on your memory.

A couple of thoughts: forming a habit of consulting the master calendar, taking a few minutes each morning at the beginning of the day and jotting down notes as the day goes on might be the hardest part of this system. Definitely, its success relies on forming a few new habits. Second, as you continue, you’ll get better at judging what you can accomplish in a day. Again, this will come with practice.

I’m anxious for Luke to try this time management system on his busy but not stressful summer schedule a few weeks before school starts so he understands the basics and gets into the habit.

The book also offers anti-procrastination strategies, time-saving study tactics, note-taking tips and a lot of other practical information that’s realistic and executable.

I’m confident that if Luke implements even a few of the strategies, it will minimize his anxiety and help him navigate a more demanding academic schedule.

If it’s appropriate, I’ll write about the other parts of the book in separate posts.

caregiving and accountability

The Stress of 24/7 Accountability of Caregiving

This isn’t a rant or a complaint, just information to help people understand one of the many challenges of full time caregiving.

My aunt has lived with us for almost three years. That first summer was physically, emotionally and logistically demanding. I was constantly exhausted and stressed.

The hardest thing at the beginning was not knowing what to expect and learning how to navigate changes that I couldn’t predict.

One change was the increased traffic of well-intentioned visitors. Except for my closest family members (brothers and cousins), visitors added to the chaos those first few months. Once I identified it as a stressor, I was able to set some boundaries. Most people respect them and are very understanding but we’ll still get the occassional surprise visitor. Who does that?

If you’re reading this and know someone caring for a loved one, please don’t drop in unexpectedly, it’s rude, inappropriate and disruptive.

I’m lucky that my aunt doesn’t have demanding medical or physical needs.

The hardest thing about being a caregiver now is the constant accountability and having to make detailed arrangement for anything that takes me away from the house. I can’t run to the grocery store if someone isn’t here with her. Weddings, funerals and every family event are tricky to attend because all my back-ups are usually attending those, too.

People don’t realize that every event and activity requires planning and arranging for someone to be with her, prepare her meals, help her in the bathroom, keep her on her schedule, let alone coordinating my own family members. I can’t tell you how often I thought I told my kids about a funeral or an invitation/event and they never heard about it. Blank stare.

It’s a chore to enjoy normal family things. I tend to opt out of movies, get-togethers with friends and family, dinner out or the occassional sporting event because it’s just easier than scrambling to arrange one or more caregivers.

Any solution is temporary. It’s great when people offer to help but it’s always only temporary. My daughters were just getting comfortable taking responsibility for 24 hour care to allow me to be away overnight but my aunt’s physical and mental abilities have declined so quickly that none of us are comfortable with that.

My mom and I will try to share caregiving as long as possible. My aunt will spend a couple of months at each of our homes to give the other a break. It’s much easier than trying to manage her care in a nursing home, for now.

 

Hannah new apartment

Update on Hannah’s Apartment Hunt

Remember when I was comparing the cost of room and board for college to Hannah’s apartment search? I knew Hannah was anxious to find a place and thought it might happen by end of summer.

She signed a lease May 1!

It happened SO FAST, I honestly didn’t know what hit me. But it’s all good.

Neither of us expected Hannah to end up in our home town but the apartment is charming and affordable (relatively speaking) and she has the loveliest, grand-parenty landlords. Her neighbors aren’t scary and she feels safe.

As you can tell by the photos, it exceeds her # 1 priority…..LOTS OF LIGHT! Even when it’s overcast outside or on hot days when she has to close the blinds so she’s not poached in there, that apartment is BRIGHT!

Hannah studio

Although Hannah was more anxious to move out than get her own vehicle, her work takes her all over the region and she was saving for a car. When my mom offered to give her an old one that she was trying to sell, it just moved the whole apartment thing to the front burner.

We gave Hannah a budget to help her buy some basics. She wasn’t expecting it and trust me, it’s a fraction of what we’ll end up spending out of pocket for Luke to attend Cleveland State in the first year, alone. The other thing we’re helping her with is the cell phone. It’s $10/month to keep her on our plan vs. getting her own plan starting at $80/month.

She’ll start paying for her own car insurance once she gets settled and organized. I think we added her beater to our policy (while she still lived here) for about $240/year. Not sure what she’ll pay on her own but we’ll do that in a month or two. I’ve easily spent more than that on deposits and enrollment fees already for Luke.

Otherwise, she is on her own and feels great about it. She’ll pay her own rent, utilities (electric, gas and internet). I haven’t bought groceries or toiletries, supplies or anything. I only mention it because I bumped into one of her classmates from high school who just finished her freshman year at an out-of-state college. The girl’s mom was buying her two carts full of groceries and supplies for an apartment she sub-letted for the summer. Not judging, just comparing.

I think there’s a mindset of dependence and continued parental responsibility when kids are in college that most people (society) just accepts. I’m sure I’ll be guilty of indulging Luke while he’s in school. We already have indulged his pursuit of tennis relative to the resources we’ve spent (time, energy and money) on anyone else.

It will be interesting to see the difference as Hannah pursues her career while Luke pursues a degree. This post doesn’t get into what people might think of her path compared to Luke’s more traditional one. I wonder whether it will even be an issue four years from now.

Room & Board When You Choose Not to Go To College

Gary Vee quote about winning

Hannah still lives at home. I’m fine with that at least until she would have otherwise graduated from college (2020). She’s anxious to get out on her own as soon as she can. I’m guessing by the end of summer (2017) she’ll have her own place.

She’s looking at really nice (and expensive) apartments. The range is anywhere from $800-$1200 per month. She wants 2 bedrooms. She pictures herself having an extra room for a studio. She doesn’t want a roommate.

I can feel you rolling your eyes already. You’re probably thinking how spoiled and unrealistic it is for a 19 year-old to spend so much on her first apartment. Shouldn’t she find the cheapest apartment or a roommate? Shouldn’t she learn what it feels like to struggle and live in a crap hole? Who does she think she is?

If that’s your reaction, it’s interesting that you don’t say the same about Hannah’s friends who spend almost as much for student housing even when they could commute. (Or choose a college close to home in order to save money by commuting).

Your brain comes up with all kinds of rationalizations that make the on-campus living expense acceptable and desirable over Hannah’s situation.

Let’s Compare for Fun

For this scenario, let’s assume that Hannah finds a 2 bedroom apartment for $1,000 plus some utilities (water and sewage is included in the rent but she’ll have to pay for gas/electric, internet and cable if she wants it and food).

Room and Board at local colleges range from $10K-12K or more. For the sake of this thought exercise, we’ll say $11,000. So, a little less than $1,000 per month. That includes meals. Except most parents complain that they have no choice about the meal plan or extra food allowance. Use it or lose it. So, I think that balances out. I know plenty of kids who never eat in the cafeteria so someone’s paying for their Chipolte-it usually ain’t the student.

“Rent” vs. “Room and Board”

  1. I won’t be paying Hannah’s rent or other expenses. Plus my household expenses will likely decrease when she’s out of the house (those 40 minute showers aren’t free).

Many parents pay for tuition plus room and board, drain their retirement funds or take out loans…for 4 years or morePlus they still pay for their kids living expenses during summers and breaks for the entire 4 years.

2. Hannah won’t be borrowing money for her rent or other living expenses. By the time she rents a place, she’ll have an emergency fund saved up in case her expected income doesn’t cover her rent, utilities, food and car expenses. Hopefully, she won’t need it and still have $5,000-$10,000 saved.

Most students borrow to cover the cost of college including room and board. (Avg. debt in PA $37,000)

3. Hannah can choose where she lives, how much she wants to spend and who her roommates will be (if she wants/needs them).

Most students have limited choices about dorms and roommates. Good luck getting a single.

4. Hannah will learn how to budget and pay her own bills.

Most college students are oblivious to the costs associated with student housing. There’s no reason to budget except maybe for parties and pizza.

5. Hannah will learn over the course of the year whether the cost of the apartment is worth it to her. If she finds herself scrambling to pay rent or is stressed by her workload to maintain the lifestyle, she can always find a cheaper place, a roommate, more clients or try to raise her prices. That’s a lot of valuable experience. I could lecture her about all that but nothing beats learning by experience. She also might try Air B n B to supplement her rent expenses.

Some college students get an apartment near campus to save money on student housing but still borrow for it or their parents pay for it. Most students I know don’t write the checks for rent and utilities. I’m not criticizing, just saying they aren’t learning this skill.

6. Even if Hannah struggles to pay for her own place more than she expects, I think the thought of returning home will spur creative solutions to maintain her independence.

Most college students move back home after graduation. Many are forced to live with their parents even after they find work because student loan payments are so high. 

I certainly don’t want Hannah to struggle with rent because she bites off more than she can chew but I’d rather she get a feel for it now. It’s best to make mistakes with money when you don’t have dependents or a 30-year mortgage.

I’ll worry less about Hannah’s safety if she lives in a nicer place (maybe that’s not rational). I’ll certainly miss her but am excited for her to take this step. I’m all for her trying different things while she’s young and isn’t burdened by a lot of financial responsibilities.

If she can manage to afford a beautiful apartment in a city that she loves and is close by, I’ll be happy for both of us!

 

Celebrating Holidays When You’re Wiped Out

easy holiday preparation

Spaghetti Wednesday  is our favorite holiday around here. Mark was finally walking without crutches. It’s the first year since 2014 that I wasn’t also taking care of my aunt so I was happy to host the dinner for the 21st year in a row.

It was a late night and then a low-key, us-only Thanksgiving but I was wiped out. No doubt, the four previous months of intense caregiving contributed to my fatigue but I honestly didn’t expect it.

The question is: how to prepare for Christmas? It’s easy for me during Advent to prepare spiritually. I have no trouble slowing down and putting off the rush and crush, but when everyone around you expects holiday activity, it’s a little overwhelming.

I stopped sending cards a few years ago. It was getting to be a chore that I no longer enjoyed. The kids got ornery about posing for photos. It’s difficult to genuinely send “best wishes, peace and joy” when you’re resentful (never of the people, just the activity). So I don’t. I still think about and pray for people. I give others credit for continuing to send us cards. I still enjoy seeing the photos every year.

I love christmas lights in the house but Mark always takes care of the lights outside. The sweetest neighbor offered to help with that but we declined the offer. Mark was able to do most of his usual light hanging. My brother went up the ladder to hang the big wreath on the side of the house.

To be honest, Mark welcomed the non-strenuous activity, the weather was pretty mild and he finished everything outside in a couple of hours over two days.

Inside, I’ve just been taking my time and getting one project/area out at a time. I have the time and have enjoyed doing it at a leisurely pace. Little Mark is elf-like. I have referred to him as joy boy, which is still true. He’s always up for holly and jolly. I find myself waiting until he’s home for certain tasks just because they’re more fun with his help.

So, my advice for facing the holidays when you’re tired or overwhelmed is to abbreviate and get out one thing at a time. You’ll probably realize that a little bit of glow is enough.