Category Archives: Family and Friends

How to Create Boundaries for Visitors When Caring for a Family Member

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Boundaries for Visitors #caregiving #elderly

One element of taking care of a sick or elderly family member in your home is the new (and seemingly constant) stream of visitors your family is likely to encounter. From old high school classmates to extended family members, the uptick in company can be both a help and a hindrance. The difference is in establishing guidelines and boundaries that balances independence of your loved one with your own family downtime and sometimes privacy.

It may take a few weeks (or even months) to figure out what boundaries will work best for your circumstances but you should be unapologetic about setting them.  You may need to change things up as your routine evolves, seasons change or schedules fluctuate.

I can share some limits and guidelines that work for my household (at the moment) but your unique family dynamics, routines and personalities will determine what works for you.

1. “Please Call Ahead”

This is pretty obvious but you would be surprised at how unaware people can be about the routines of others. Drop-ins sometimes interfere with meal times, rest times or other visitors.

In my case, my mom and cousin live on my street and I rely on (and welcome) them to pop in without calling just about anytime. That pretty much goes for any of my family members who aren’t offended when I can’t sit and visit with them or if I use their company to run a quick errand, catch up on some housework or just enjoy some alone time. If it ever became a problem, however, I would just send out a text or email asking these people to call ahead and I’m sure they wouldn’t take offense.

Others (extended family and friends who aren’t as close) have been great about calling to see when it’s a good time to visit my aunt and/or family.

If the family member you care for has a phone of her own, it’s important to let people know that visits should be scheduled with you. Although my aunt is almost always available, certain times and days are more convenient than others for her and for me, which she isn’t necessarily aware of.

In the first few days when everyone in my family wanted to see my aunt, they tended to come at once and I really didn’t want the responsibility of managing visiting schedules so I just let it happen. Even now, people occassionally show up at the same time or one after the other. It’s only a problem when my aunt kind of gets trapped for hours and can’t use the bathroom (because she’s a little self-conscious about struggling to stand). When that happens, I text the crowd and ask them to make an excuse to walk over to my mom’s house so my aunt can have a quick break.

Since my husband is an extrovert, he loves to greet extra people when he pulls into the driveway after work. This might not be the case for every member of your family and it’s important to be sensitive about their need for solitude, quiet or privacy. If you or your spouse (or children) need to unwind after a long day, create that buffer for them and restrict visits during the transition time.

2. Be specific about visiting hours that are convenient

What times work best for you will be different than what works best for my family. When people call, I’m clear about the window of time that’s convenient for their visit.

I try to be very specific. “It’s best if you come after 10:00 and leave no later than 1:00” for example. If I say, “between 10 and 1:00 would be fine”, they may think that they can come by 1:00 and stay for a couple of hours after that. See the difference? Likewise on the other end of the day, I tell people, “I need you to say your ‘goodbyes’ by 7:30”.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be completely honest about your needs. It avoids so much conflict and resentment. This is not the time to worry about whether people will get mad at you or get their feelings hurt.

3. No need to host a party every time someone visits

If I felt like I had to clean or prepare a spread every time my aunt gets company, I would be resentful and worn out.

My house is relatively picked up (as much as it can be with 4 teenagers) and it definitely could be cleaner but I don’t worry about that when people come to visit my aunt.

It might seem rude but I also don’t feel the need to put out snacks and play hostess when people come. Everyone close to me understands this. I typically don’t keep sugar beverages in the house because they tend to disappear. My boys have no self-control when it comes to junk drinks so we don’t have them. There’s no way I can guess the personal preferences of different visitors so I don’t try. I offer water and even then, most people help themselves.

This might seem inhospitable but people really understand that because I’m providing round-the-clock care, I don’t need to host a party every time they want to see my aunt. If I felt like I had to, I would have to be more restrictive.

I hope these tips help. It’s impossible to predict how caring for a family member in your home will affect your routine and it’s best to be flexible to accommodate yours and your family’s changing needs.

I would love to hear what type of strategies you use to establish boundaries for visitors when you’re caring for a loved one in your home.

5 Tips for Caregivers to Minimize Wasting Energy on Critics

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Tips for Caregivers, Quieting the Critic #eldercare #caregiving

In my last post, I cautioned against wasting energy on people who don’t support your decision to care for an elderly family member.

Criticism or lack of support when you’re caring for anyone, especially an elderly family member, comes in various degrees and forms.

It can range from well-meaning family and friends who are concerned for your health and ability to take on a huge task to self-oriented people who seem to be concerned about how the change will affect them……and everything in-between.

Once you assume the responsibility, however, it’s critical to focus your energy on the person needing care, your immediate family (children and spouse) and yourself. Anything that distracts from that is a waste of emotional currency.

How can you combat the “tune virus” in your head that wants to justify your decision to take on a primary caregiving role or the manner in which you do it? These strategies might help.

1. Limit or eliminate communication with (and about) the critic

Resist the urge to continue to justify your decision. Accept that you may never convince the critic or other unsupportive person that your intentions are good (assuming they are), that you’ve made an informed decision and that you believe that it’s the best option given the present circumstances.

Engaging with the non-supportive person unnecessarily will use up valuable time and emotional  energy better spent on keeping everyone under your roof healthy. Tempting as it is, don’t go there, I promise, you won’t be satisfied and you’ll likely churn up more conflict.

Best to be silent. It will allow your brain to move on to more constructive matters. There’s a lot of truth to “out of sight out of mind”.

2. Journal if you must

If you find that you spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about your critics, journal about it privately if you have time. Your caregiving responsibilities may not permit time for journaling. Dedicating a few minutes to it, however, will help you in two ways. Putting your thoughts on paper (or in a word doc) may quiet that self-talk and allow your brain to move on.  It will also be a record of what’s going on during a stressful time in your life.

It might remind you of how strong you never thought you were.

3. Pray

Or if you’re not a praying person, meditate. Either practice will turn negative thoughts or energy into positive action.

4. Don’t take anything personally

Even if criticism is directed at you, the source of it likely has more to do with the other person’s unresolved issues or life circumstances. Now isn’t the time to guide others through their own emotional baggage. Again, best if you limit contact  (as much as is practical).

5. Don’t reread old emails, texts or voicemails

You may be tempted to reread old email exchanges or texts if you’re doubting the course of events. Taking the time to reread old emails and texts not only distracts from your responsibilities, it puts the issue back in the forefront of your consciousness and recycles those same negative feelings.

That trash icon is your friend. Unless you need the written communication to protect yourself legally, delete it.

Maybe you’re still receiving emails, texts or phone calls from a person who you know is still trying to have their way. That’s what Caller ID is for. Unless the person is abandoning their protests and extending an offer to help, I’d delete them, perhaps without reading or listening, with no reply.

“DELETE!” It literally wipes it off your “TO DO” list (don’t you have enough to do already?)

These strategies may seem harsh and are likely very different from how you normally respond to people and handle conflict. This is a time of intense self-preservation, though, when norms of appropriate social interaction are suspended.

Your closest family and friends will forgive you and are likely being proactive to protect you. In the next post, I’ll tell you about some strategies I’ve learned along the way to manage the stream of visitors when you’re caring for an elderly parent or relative.

Why I Care for My Elderly Aunt at Home

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How to care for elderly relative

The only thing I expected from my (maybe impulsive) decision to invite my 78 year old aunt to live with my family was the unexpected.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I couldn’t proceed without substantial amounts of Grace (as in from God). I also knew that I couldn’t possibly envision what changes it would bring. It might be the scariest thing I ever did willingly. I refused to focus on that, though and trusted that each day would be o.k. That’s how I continue to approach it.

This kind of move happens when you simply don’t want to see a person suffer.

I barely consulted my husband who has been incredibly supportive and trusted that I could make it work.

My mom and I flew by the seat of our pants and put a plan together in a matter of what seemed like minutes but in reality was about two weeks. That term “plan” is used in the loosest sense possible. I should give credit here to my cousin who, in the eye of the crisis, helped my mom formulate the plan to get my aunt admitted to the hospital then hopefully to therapy to give us time to get ready in Pittsburgh.

Truth is, you can’t plan for this.

Rosaries

Familiar Rosaries on a familiar table

You can only manage as you go.

You can only try make the best decisions possible… with the facts at hand… as they relate to the primary person(s) and go from there. The information can change daily or hourly and you adjust (as best you can).

Here are some of the facts:

1. I love my aunt and she needed help.

2. She was unable to care for herself (personally or financially). When she was admitted to the hospital (after a minor fall out of bed which only resulted in a lost big toenail), she was severely dehydrated, had a urinary tract infection, bladder infection, open raw sores on her belly and a heart situation likely related to her compromised health. In short, she was a hot mess and likely wouldn’t have survived more than a few days or a week without intervention. To be honest, we knew she had declined considerably over the winter but having been independent her entire life, navigating the intervention stage was tricky. How do you convince someone who feels fine that she really isn’t? The signs were there but it was a delicate matter broaching the subject and our concerns. That minor fall was what saved her. Proof positive that what seems terrible can be a blessing in disguise.

3. I have the space in my house because we recently rearranged things here to allow my getting-bigger family to spread out a little. This recent rearrangement repurposed a living room into a bedroom on the main floor…perfect for Aunt Linda-NO STEPS!

4. I don’t work outside the home which gives me the flexibility to make things work as best I can. It’s tricky but we’ve managed so far. Sure, my life has changed drastically (and I knew it would, I just wasn’t sure HOW). I’ve tried to make the transition as easy on Mark and the kids as possible. They all have been supportive and in spite of the sacrifices, are glad that she’s here and safe.

5. I love my aunt like a 2nd, (3rd, 4th) mother (I’ve been blessed with many women who have mothered me-including my own “Mummy”).

6. She deserves to be taken care of.

7. She still knows me (It would be hard to take care of her if she were scared of me and didn’t really know me or the family).

8. She’s not mean. (I don’t know that I could bring a mean person into the house, even if the meanness was due to dementia).

9. She still knows and loves my children (in particular, she is smitten with my youngest, who’s only too happy to have the extra audience-God Help Us!-Sorry future wife). In spite of her short-term memory loss, she is very engaged and engaging (much improved since she’s been here) and is very interested in the kids’ comings and goings and enjoys their company.

10. My mom lives three houses away. (A big factor in my thought process), so does my cousin, the nurse.

11. My 4 brothers and 2 other cousins (who also love her like a mother) live in the same town or close by.

12. My mom couldn’t manage her sister’s care from 4 hours away. Believe me, she tried and it was exhausting-we made three or four trips in as many weeks and my mom ended up just staying for the duration of my aunt’s nursing home stay.

13. A nursing home wasn’t a good option when my home was available. My aunt was in one of the better ones and it was short-staffed. In 3 short weeks she became nighttime incontinent. Luckily I was able to convince her to wake me through the night to regain it but it was just one effect of understaffing. You always have the risk that a few employees can be rude or indifferent-even one of my aunt’s friends who volunteers there admitted that there were a few bad eggs. That’s intolerable in any situation but especially with a person as vulnerable as my aunt was.

14. This aunt should be canonized. (I tease her every time I cut her toenails or fingernails that I’m collecting relics- she laughs every time I say it-except when I draw blood then she tells me I’m making relics. Jokes never get old to a person with short- term memory loss).

So, those are the facts which led to the quick turn of events that resulted in moving my aunt into our home.

I didn’t anticipate how much I would worry about her minor health issues. When a kid gets a cold, the coughing might keep you awake at night, not necessarily the worry that it might lead to pneumonia.

I didn’t anticipate the resistance by some to a plan to place a never-married, 78 year old woman with no children of her own in a loving home surrounded by family that she still knows rather than a nursing home 4 hours away from that family.

The one person who I expected the most resistance from, a lifelong friend whose life would change the most drastically by the move and who is dealing with her own crisis was and continues to be so selfless and supportive, I am still humbled by it.

I find myself balancing options and outcomes often. A good life lesson.

I try to remember what I did expect when this plan began to formulate:

I thought there was a good possibility that my aunt would be bed-ridden or wheelchair-bound (thankfully she’s not).

I didn’t know whether removing her from her home would add to her confusion. We tried to minimize that by decorating her room with things from her own home. Even a few furniture pieces fit.

Since my aunt spent her days for the previous two to three years sitting at her table watching TV, reading spiritual books or praying for people, I thought she would be doing that here.

As it turns out, Aunt Linda spends very little time in her room, which I think is great but also adds an element of responsibility to keep her occupied and engaged.

Since my aunt spent no time outside, I didn’t expect that she would enjoy sitting on my back porch so much. Thankfully, the summer has been relatively temperate (even cool) and it’s her favorite place to be. She can see my mom’s place from there and she loves to see her white head bobbing down the walk toward our porch.

One challenge has been her need for companionship. I just didn’t expect it since she’s lived by herself her entire adult life. When someone isn’t visiting, I feel responsible to keep her company most days. The kids are also around and will visit with her. I know it isn’t absolutely necessary and she understands that I have things to do but I think it brings her a measure of security so I accept it and am grateful that I don’t have many obligations that take me away from the house for long periods of time. Also, when I think of the alternative (worrying and trying to visit her in a nursing home here or 4 hours away), I’d much rather have her here.

Overall, I’m happy to report that she is much more alert and lucid than she’s been for a couple of years. A few people have commented that they feel like she’s back to her old self (before any signs of dementia were apparent) and I agree. She’s witty, alert, engaged, thoughtful and I’m getting into the habit again of asking for her advice. When I run something by her, the answers have been thoughtful and spot-on.

The rythym of our days has added enough variety to hers that there’s something worth remembering. The relatively constant stream of visitors has also given her a life of her own that’s worth remembering. Where two or more are gathered…she thinks it’s a party and she enjoys it. It’s even more fun when she can look forward to it (like when we celebrated “Hugh Twyman Day” along with Mark’s and my mom’s birthday last week).

I know her being here is divinely orchestrated and an incredible gift to our family. The hard parts (getting up through the night, the extra laundry, feeling responsible for her engagement and worrying about her health issues) haven’t really been that hard. I’m surprised that I’m not dead tired all day but I’m not. I have an incredible support system and really feel that I can ask for ANYTHING I need. I promised everyone close to me that I would do that.

I’m learning so much about the dynamics and logistics of elder care that I hope to pass on some strategies and tips.

 

Happy Hugh Twyman Day!

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#HughshowsX

Hugh and family with Pittsburgh City Council

No, really.

Today is Hugh Twyman Day in Pittsburgh. My brother received a proclamation from Pittsburgh City Council to recognize his 10 years blogging about and supporting local music through his photography and art work.

I really admire his persistence and dedication to the musicians. Pittsburgh has a lot of great talent and Hugh’s been tireless in recognizing that talent.

As a way to mark 10 years of Hughshows, he began a free family-friendly concert series the 2nd Saturday of every month at a local record (yes records) store in the Strip District. Since I don’t like to go out late at night, especially during the week, it’s given me a chance to see some of his favorite bands live.

As it turns out, Hugh has great taste in music. I was able to catch Cold Weather, Chet Vincent & The Big Bend, Western Pennsylvania, featuring Jeff Benton who nominated Hugh for the proclamation in a beautifully written letter to Hugh’s local councilwoman. I missed the Harlan Twins but my other brother, John was so impressed with them that I’ve been listening to the CD he bought and it’s great.

I was especially impressed by “Meeting of Important People” (MOIP), whose front man, Josh Verbanets is hugely talented and entertaining.

I have missed some of the other bands like Triggers, Molly Alphabet, The Hawkeyes, The Wheals, Brooke Annibale, Host Skull, The Lopez, Arlo Aldo, Dan Getkin & The Masters of American Music, among others.

If you live near Pittsburgh, there are 5 more HughShows X events at Eide’s. It’s a casual and inexpensive way to be exposed to and #SupportPGHMusic! The show on Saturday, August 9 features Balloon Ride Fantasy, Several Conclusions Action Camp and Essential Machine.

One surprise for me is how cool Hugh is behind the mic. He emcees these events, introduces each band member and includes some factoid about their musical career, preferences or feelings about Pittsburgh. Hugh’s intros are as entertaining as the bands themselves, partly because he knows them so well and has been following most of them (or as he says, “sticking a camera in their faces”) for years.

Today is also my mom’s birthday! She turns 74. Happy Birthday, Mummy, I love you.

 

 

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through this link, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thanks for your support.

 

 

An Unforgettable and Wonderful Mother’s Day

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Bringing Aunt Linda Home

Mom, Aunt Linda, Me

For the past month, my mom and I have been involved in the details of bringing her oldest sister to live with me. It has been an odyssey, to say the least, and a journey filled with grace, love and also some unexpected trials.

My mom and I didn’t do all the work. This was an effort that required many helping hands, including my cousin, Linda’s, who helped me pack, purge and organize 78 years of a full and blessed life into a minivan and a couple of cars in less than 48 hours and helped me get Aunt Linda’s car serviced to make the 4 hour trip safely so my mom didn’t have to try to deal with it. Linda also relieved me to stay overnight in the nursing home to reassure Aunt Linda when she couldn’t remember why or how long she would be there. My mom couldn’t have done it and by the time my mom returned for the duration of the rehab stay, my aunt was able to make it through the nights unafraid (as long as my mom was returning in the morning).

My brothers were ready to bring Aunt Linda home at a moment’s notice. Including my youngest brother, John, who ended up making the round trip with my youngest son, Mark, and my mom’s roommate to help my mom on the 4 hour drive.

I have been blessed by many mothers in my life. My own mom has always been a model of strength, courage, patience and unconditional love. She only confirmed that these past few weeks and it’s been so nice to make this happen together. This transition has the mark of divine orchestration all over it. Most notably in Aunt Linda’s acceptance of the move in spite of the sudden life change and having to leave behind her lifelong friend who is facing her own crisis from a fall.

I’ll write more about Aunt Linda another time as I really don’t want to forget some parts of this journey (like the selflessness of the above-mentioned friend).

One treasure Linda (the cousin) and I stumbled upon were decades worth of letters, notes, report cards, school photos, drawings and the like that anyone sent her over the years. I have a stack from my immediate family (and children). They’re adorable, hilarious, genuine and sometimes heart-breaking (like a couple from my brothers on the back of collection letters).

Although Aunt Linda lived away from us our entire lives, she loved us well. We’re all so happy to return that love by caring for her since she’s unable to manage on her own any longer.

Happy Mother’s Day! I know mine is!

 

Congratulations to Luke!

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Luke Phillips WPIAL

Luke (right) with his coach after winning his match

I’ve written about Luke’s tennis before. After 2 months off for an undiagnosed stress fracture that had been dogging him for more than 18 months, Luke was released just in time for his high school tennis season.

Unlike some other states, Pennsylvania has an equal access law which allows homeschooled students to participate in interscholastic athletics and other extracurricular activities.

Luke will be representing the school district when he competes in the PIAA State Championship tennis tournament for boys at the end of May.

He’s disappointed that he didn’t win the district title but qualified for the state tournament by beating a senior (also homeschooled) to place 3rd.

In case you’re interested, here are 2 articles written about him. One in the Post Gazette and another in the Tribune Review. (He has a cute quote at the end of the Post Gazette article). So far, he’s pretty good at interviews. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since he’s been listening to radio broadcasts of the Pirates and Panther basketball almost as long as he’s been playing tennis.

Thanks for indulging my shameless brag and good luck, Luke!

Kate

The Best Excuse for Breaking a Promise to Yourself

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Kate

Kate on her birthday

Since committing to the 500 word challenge, I have been setting the alarm earlier and only hitting snooze twice (I can’t conquer all the bad habits at once) in order to write before the rest of the house wakes up.

If I’ve had a restless night’s sleep, I’ll skip writing in the morning if I expect a chunk of time later in the day. (I’m a shrew when I’m tired).

Friday was one of those days where I knew I would have at least 3 hours of down time after dinner in order to write my 500 words. Three of the kids had plans and Mark always works late on Fridays. Kate, my 13 year old, likes to watch the “Modern Family” marathon on Friday nights so I knew I would have uninterrupted time to write. (I know I’m going to hell for all the TV this family watches since we upgraded the cable from basic only).

I was all set to take the laptop into our new finished basement room for some quiet when Kate asked if I wanted to watch “Modern Family” too. I really didn’t but I knew it was important to spend that time with her. I could have brought the lap top with me when I plopped myself on the couch next to her, but then I might as well have been alone in the basement typing away.

You might be thinking, “That lady’s just rationalizing, who wouldn’t rather watch ‘Modern Family’ than stick to a commitment?” Well, you may be right on point A, but not point B. I may be rationalizing but I don’t enjoy watching TV that much-even “Modern Family”. Oh, it’s hilarious, but there are a hundred things I’d rather do than sit and watch TV.

Here’s the thing, though, my first priority is always my family, especially while the kids are still here. First on my list of responsibilities is nurturing relationships. As you can imagine, life with almost 4 teenagers (11-16) can sometimes be…..volatile. A 13 year old girl is often in the eye of whatever storm happens to pop up. Kate’s been feeling picked on and misunderstood lately and she needs all the relaxed interaction she can get. Although TV is a passive pursuit, when a person wants company, it becomes an opportunity to connect and relate.

I’ll never regret being intentionally present with any person in my family. To be honest, I probably don’t make time for it often enough. Which is ironic because the kids are home all day for school. If writing suffers for it, I’m totally fine with that.

Kate and I laughed together, talked about other things and when she asked if I snored like Gloria while I was pregnant, I admitted a symptom much more embarrassing that horrified and amused her at the same time. She may use it against me one of these days in the heat of a teen microburst but it’s worth it if it strengthens our connection.

As I wrote before, I made the 500 word challenge a priority. Obviously, I’m hoping to improve my writing skills but I honestly think making time for it will make me a better everything….wife, mother, friend, sister-you get the idea. The practice of writing must light up a part of my brain that helps me be more organized, calm and focused. I credit the act of writing an ebook this summer with helping me to truly enjoy an unusually chaotic 3 months. I typically don’t deal with chaos and extended time away from home very well.

Although writing is a priority, the burden is on me to carve out time for it that doesn’t interfere with my primary vocation as a wife and mom.

So, I’m forgiving myself this time because I was reminded that life, especially with kids, is unpredictable. Clearly, I need to be more disciplined to wake up early if I want to write.

If you want to establish the habit of writing, check out Goinswriter.com. In addition to the chance to join in the challenge, there’s lots of inspiration and practical advice to help you write better.

Colonoscopy

What to Expect for a Colonoscopy

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Colonoscopy

My husband had his first colonoscopy yesterday. As we drove home, he was trying to explain how easy it was compared to his anxiety and dread about the whole thing. He suggested that I write a post about it.

According to statistics, colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death among men and women combined in the U.S.. Studies confirm that early screening reduces deaths from colorectal cancer. It’s worth getting checked and according to Mark, fear shouldn’t prevent you from doing so.

Aside from the kids treating him like a nuclear reactor the day before the test, the worst part about it, by far, was anticipating how terrible it would be to drink the cleansing solution and wondering how miserable you’ll feel afterward.

The day before the procedure, Mark’s diet was restricted to clear liquids. He’s a pretty thin guy, eats 3 pretty standard meals per day and snacks for energy on the tennis court (he’s a teaching pro). Not being able to eat could be slightly torturous for me but he handled it like a champ.

Mark had to drink four 8oz. cups of the prescribed liquid beginning at 5:30 pm the evening before the test (Happy Hour anyone?). The second round of four 8 oz. cups began at 9:30. The liquid is clear and comes with a lemony flavor packet. He mixed it ahead of time and refrigerated it to make it easier to drink. He got it down with a little effort but it was doable and not the worst thing he could have taken.

The enema cocktail kicked in about 30-45 minutes after the first cup and it didn’t give him cramps. Although he wanted to share the details with me, I passed that job off to my boys. Without getting too graphic, things were pretty clear after a few trips to the loo by about 7:30 or so.

Round 2 was really just to make sure he was clean and clear-which he was but still made multiple trips to the bathroom. He went to bed at about 1:00 a.m. and was able to sleep through until 6:00 when we had to get up to make it to the hospital by 7:45. Overall, the physical prep the night before wasn’t as bad as he anticipated.

The next hardest thing for Mark was not being able to eat high-fiber foods the entire week before the test. He snacks on raw vegetables to get him through his long day on the court. Sometimes he’ll have nuts or granola. He ended up taking bags of pretzels, which don’t give you much energy. He also loves salad with dinner and couldn’t eat that. This might not be much of an issue if you don’t eat a lot of fruits or vegetables normally. I don’t and probably wouldn’t miss them as much as he did.

The procedure, itself, was easy compared to his anxiety about it. He had to be there at 7:45 for pre-op and the procedure was underway by 9:05. He got an epidural which burned a little and a light anesthesia to keep him asleep during the procedure which was about 15 minutes from start to finish.

The surgeon reported that everything looked good. Based on the fact that Mark’s dad had some polyps removed and based on that history, the doc recommended a repeat in 5 years. Recovery was about an hour total and I was able to take him home. He definitely was unsteady after the anesthesia but was able to walk to the car.

Although Mark was exhausted and tried to sleep when we got home he wasn’t able to and still felt well enough to grill burgers for dinner. When I asked him how he felt at the end of the day, he claimed that his energy was great and he thought it might have something to do with the whole cleansing process. I can relate to that.

Although all of the medical personnel were kind and professional, Mark thought that they could be more reassuring about the procedure, itself. He guesses that they’re unaware of how nervous and anxious people are about it. He’s hoping that reading this reassures others to get it out of the way.

If you’re approaching or over 50 and have been avoiding this important diagnostic test, I hope Mark’s experience encourages you to get it done.

5 Great Gifts From Grandparents

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5 Great Gifts from Grandparents

First, let me say that no matter what the occasion, I don’t think gifts from grandparents are necessary or should be expected. Ever. If you are a grandparent and you enjoy giving gifts to your adult children and/or grandchildren, here are a few ideas:

1. Museum/zoo/science center/aquarium/children’s museum membership or visit.

All of the activities listed above (museums, science centers, etc.) tend to be expensive, especially for families with more than 2 children. This is the type of gift that both parents and children can appreciate and enjoy. An annual membership is literally the gift that gives year round and may have reciprocal benefits with other sites in the city or in other cities. Some memberships include a “grandparent” or caretaker pass so you can enjoy it with the children, too, if you aren’t the primary member.

2. Concert, show, play or other special outing with lunch or dinner.

This is something you can do with one grandchild at a time, just a few or all of them if you’re up to it. My mom treated my oldest son to a baseball game for a few years as a birthday gift. He really does treasure the memories and loved looking forward to it and she loved sharing something with him that he loves-GO BUCS!.

3. P.J.’s, dress clothes or coats and boots

I’m sure I’m not the only parent who dreads spending money on all of these things. PJ’s aren’t quite as bad because they get lots of use (but still, good quality, comfy ones are expensive, no one really sees them and one pair is plenty for kids in my book). Dress clothes, coats and boots are a little different because they don’t get lots of use and kids tend to grow out of them in a season.

Thrift stores are a great source for these things but sometimes you just don’t find the right size.

My friend’s mom buys each grandchild a dress coat when they need it. It’s a lovely gift, especially because they all attend the same church and she gets to appreciate how nice they all look every week.

4. A Keepsake

An heirloom piece can be a special gift for a boy or a girl. This might not be possible if you have many grandchildren but if you only have a few, you might want to think about gifting them special pieces of jewelry, a watch, a jewelry box or something else (not too bulky) that is special to you. I wouldn’t advise boxing up the china, this type of heirloom can sometimes be more of a burden than a blessing.

If you don’t have an heirloom, you can start a new tradition of a special purchase of that type at a certain age for each of your grandchildren. A classic watch for a boy, a special bracelet or necklace for each girl in the family.

If you’d like your dollars to help someone else AND are interested in encouraging unity among the cousins, you might be interested in buying everyone something from Give or Toms shoes (they even have things for guys). If neither of those sites is a good fit for you and your extended family, you might appreciate this Ethical Shopping Guide that Tsh at The Art of Simple put together. Make a statement, raise awareness and love on the kids all at once!

5. Classes, equipment or supplies for a special passion, activity or interest.

Art classes, dance classes or lessons for sports can sometimes be cost-prohibitive for families. Even if the activity, itself isn’t, the equipment can be.

I give my mom credit for buying Hannah her first digital camera when she was 10 or 11. I thought it was too generous, (and redundant) since Hannah was free to use my digital point-and-shoot anytime. Once she had her own camera, though, she developed a passion for photography that I’m sure will be with her forever.

When Luke started catching for his baseball team, my mom was happy to buy him a catcher’s mitt for his birthday. Again, it’s something I couldn’t justify spending money on since we had other expenses (uniform and shoes plus a bat for his birthday) and the team had a mitt that he could use. He was so thrilled with it and was proud that everyone wanted to use it when they were behind the plate. He used that mitt for 4 seasons so he certainly got his use out of it.

I think all of the gifts listed above are as much for the parents as they are for the kids and if you truly enjoy giving gifts to the grandchildren, I hope this gives you some ideas.

6. BONUS!!

I know the article suggests 5 great gifts. Maybe the greatest gift of all for the parents, the grandchildren and yes, even the grandparents……

 

SLEEPOVER AT GRANDMA’S!

 

NUFF SAID!

If you have other gift ideas from grandparents, I’d love to hear about them.

 

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