I remember a conversation Mark and I had about how so many of the parents of the kids he teaches have really high standards for their kids academically, athletically and in general as in those kids are going to be surgeons, CEOs or software engineers (or all three and more).

The conversation was going down the road of us having higher standards for our kids but I didn’t agree. How can I demand more from my kids than I did for myself?

I never strived for perfection or the highest or the best in any area, I’m just not wired that way. Mark has the highest standards for knowing and teaching tennis but not for other things.

“Good enough” is kind of our standard for almost every other area. Sometimes I wish I were different but I’m not.

The parents to which Mark was referring are surgeons and CEOs and software engineers (or all three and more). I would be unnatural for us to demand excellence of our children in anything but kindness and consideration of others.

Motivation, in my opinion, is innate. A person has to figure out for himself what lights him up. If one of the kids wants to be the best at something, they’ll work towards that distinction to his satisfaction.

External rewards (in this case, our approval) work temporarily but studies show that they are short-lived. When the reward is no longer attached to the desired outcome, the desired outcome decreases or disappears. That makes sense to me.

I’m proud of the people my kids are growing into but I’m more happy for them that they’re figuring out what lights them up and having fun with success in those endeavors. They know that they’ll make mistakes or have to change plans but that’s fine, too.

P.S. I admire parents who have enjoyed excellence from their own efforts and inspire (maybe demand) the same in their own children. Different isn’t better or worse, just something I think about and tried to put into words here.