Simplicity Parenting

If you are a parent and haven’t read this book yet by Kim John Payne, don’t waste another minute! I’ve read tons of parenting books, and “Simplicity Parenting” may be THE BEST, most practical, most articulate, most relevant parenting book of our time. I consider it a tool in the belt of anyone who is struggling to fight the tide of over-indulging, over-scheduling and over-obsessing about the kids. If you know that Less really is more but have a tough time explaining it to the other PTA moms or your parents or the aunts who think your kids are deprived because you don’t take them to the dollar store for fun-buy this book.


I really hesitate to go into detail into any of it, because I can’t possibly do it justice. The book, itself, is so clearly and thoughtfully written that I’ll just defer. Payne articulates so well, with tangible support, things that I know to be true but I’ll be darned if I can explain. 


He advocates creating a balance among 1) activity and busyness, 2) pauses and down time and 3) periods where the child is completely immersed in a pursuit for the pure enjoyment of it-(without you staging it). The kind of activity where he loses track of time. Payne discusses and supports why it’s critical to make time for each of these. But the book covers lots more.


The other thing I love about the book is that he’s just not hanging his hat on generalities. He doesn’t say, “such and such will lead to burnout”. Instead, he illustrates with sometimes brilliant analogies, how an imbalance and hyperparenting is so counterproductive.


I talk with a lot of parents about how invasive organized sports can be to our family even though the kids don’t do a lot of them. I love to watch the kids on the field, court, whatever, but I get so resentful about the disruption to good dinners, regular bedtimes and the overall routine and wellness of the family dynamic. I’ve said all along, that I think kids would be much better off playing baseball in each others’ backyards until they were 12 than starting T-ball when they were 4. It’s crazy and unnecessary. Payne generally agrees and he gives solid support for it.


Since Mark teaches tennis for a living, all of the kids had a racket in their hands at a very early age. I resisted as long as I could to jump into the tournament “circuit” but I wish I would have waited longer. Hannah and Luke were 9 and 8 when they started playing tournaments. Generally, the parents are hyper-involved, obsessing about points and line calls and ranking. Tennis is unique in that it has no clock, kids keep the score themselves and it is self-officiated -unless there is a problem. That’s a lot of pressure for any kid, let alone an 8 year old. I’m generally disenchanted with the tournament system for young players and think it’s really odd that most of the kids who are playing at this level hardly ever just go out and play for fun. I think people must think I’m odd that the kids don’t play more tournaments or every tournament. Finally, I have a resource to back up my intuition. I really don’t care what other parents think but it’s been challenging to articulate to Mark and the kids why I don’t think it’s a good thing to enter every tournament that comes down the pike. Naturally, they get caught up in the wave of expectation. “Everyone else is playing that tournament, why aren’t you? It’s double points!” 


Luckily, I don’t have to deal with the too-muchness of school but this book gives me even more incentive to carve out time where we don’t have anything scheduled. 


I’ve been reading snippets to Mark. He hasn’t disagreed with anything so far and he’s motivated to read it himself which I think will help in making simpicity a priority for him, too.

5 thoughts on “Simplicity Parenting

  1. Cheryl

    Hi Beth,
    I finished the book this weekend in three nights of staying up until one. It was a really easy read. Very encouraging. Saturday I went through the girls’ rooms simplifying. Much in the book I already think about, but don’t seem to implement. It’s that “Thinker Me”….

    I just have to tell you something Bobby said this weekend that cracked me up. And I quote, “The power of more…”

  2. Anonymous

    “He advocates creating a balance among 1) activity and busyness, 2) pauses and down time and 3) periods where the child is completely immersed in a pursuit for the pure enjoyment of it-(without you staging it).”

    Due to the grace of God, our family has been trying to implement some of the age old monastic principles, which actually reflect exactly what this book describes…

    they are ORA et LABOR. And, as we begin to use the Liturgy of the Hours, at least for Morning Prayer, Midday Prayer and Night Prayer we are precisely getting those periods of activity and then quiet.

    (We do often only recite one psalm at each rather than all three.)

    The Church is such a beautiful thing and the more we discover the more I realize there’s not much I need to invent myself, it’s all there for the taking.

    Thanks for sharing your journey on your blog,
    Cristin

  3. Beth

    Cristin,

    Thanks for your comment. Following in the footsteps of much admired moms, I would love to begin praying the Liturgy of the Hours. I find it slightly intimidating, though. Please share your experience.

  4. Anonymous

    Yes, it sounds intimidating… four volumes, books written on how to pray it, etc.

    It’s sooo not hard to start.

    We started by using the USCCB small pamphlets to pray Night Prayers. I think they are about $3 each. That gave us a good feel for the rhythm.

    Night prayers only change by the day of the week, so it’s really simple.

    Then I started using the Universalis website, which has the LOTH for free typed out. But, it seemed to be missing something for me. I discovered by checking out ebreviary.com that the Universalis translation is not the “standard” translation.

    Anyway, you can get a free trial of ebreviary for twenty days (Friday and Sunday are always free).

    Using ebreviary on the laptop, we just use it like a teleprompter and it even tells you when to sit and stand. (we just sit for the whole thing, maybe one day we’ll be able to add that in)

    It is beautiful. Our family has changed. I don’t even tell my girls they have to pray in the morning, but they just come join me anyway, it’s like they know God wants their time.

    Anyway, hope that helps.

    Cristin

    p.s. pretty soon, we’ll graduate to prayer books rather than ebreviary, but that’s simple too.

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