Category Archives: Blogging

Did I Mention How Much I Love My Van?

I was hoping to drive my 2008 Honda Odyssey for 200k miles.

About 20k miles short of that, Luke was hit at an intersection by a woman who ran a redlight and the car was totaled.

Even though we rarely drive anywhere with all the kids, I wanted another van for the option to take more than two other people somewhere and for the occasions that I need a bigger space for cargo.

I also discovered that I like more space in the driving area. When I drive Mark’s car (crossover), I don’t like having to put my purse on the passenger seat or the backseat floor. The Odyssey spoiled me.

The kids were disappointed that I didn’t choose something cooler but I love my new Odyssey! It’s quiet, smooth, roomy and feels powerful.

The lease expires in 2022 and I already know I’m going to want another van (a big SUV is too trucky for me).

Don’t Come Here for Thoughtful Essays

As I mentioned in passing, I’m trying to get the writing muscles going again. I use the term “again” loosely.

I admire writers who can put together a thoughtful post that people feel compelled to read to the very end-even if said post is 500-1000 words.

I’m in no mood for that right now. I’m tryna get a few words down every day to establish a habit.

I’m not stressing over SEO, images, alt text, tags, etc. My goal is to write a post every day for 30 days to establish a habit of writing a post every day.

I write nearly every day with paper and pen. I don’t read that gibberish. I get it, this is gibberish, too but I think because it’s public (let’s be honest, nobody reads which is totally cool with me), it makes me a tad more accountable to myself.

I might feel like putting work into more thoughtful writing if I establish a habit. That’s not my goal right now. Also, I don’t read blogs very often and usually lose interest in long posts. I’m keeping it simple and enjoying other things while I enjoy this challenge.

Can We Take a Minute to Appreciate Snail Mail + Trash Collection ?

The USPS and weekly curb side trash pick up are two services that I continuously appreciate.

The idea that I can pay .50 to mail a piece of paper anywhere in the country in a day or two is bonkers. I don’t love all the junk and with other private services, it’s probably obsolete but still.

Maybe I have geeked out about trash collection before. My guys will take nearly anything and as much as I put out, God bless them.

The only thing they didn’t take were the middle row seats that were in my garage when my old Honda Odyssey was totaled in Cleveland. The good news: someone picked them up anyway! (Low key, I have as much appreciation for dumpster divers (aka salvagers) around here who haven’t been quite as active since the price of metal has been down).

I hope this makes you think about daily or weekly things that you would miss if they weren’t there.

The Power of Words

I’m thinking about the power of language.

The idea that we should choose our words carefully and be intentional about our language came up twice last week so I took notice.

In the past year, I have been more intentional about a lot of things, including how I phrase things. I’m a little better but I have a lot of work to do.

Words have power. (If you’re Christian, you accept that God created the world by speaking it into existence, #amirite?)

Words can also indicate an attitude, a perspective, a mood, an expectation. Words can wound or encourage. Words can convey fear or joy. Words can change an entire relationship or start a movement.

It’s easy to be casual about language and I know I have been most of my life. I’m trying not to be.

It matters to me to be broadcast the best, most encouraging, optimistic words for any situation. I don’t always get there but I try and I’ll get better.

I voluntarily immerse myself in words constantly (in contrast to images) by reading, writing, listening to podcasts and texting, to name a few.

I’ll be looking into a couple of resources to make me more aware or words that matter: “Word Up” by Dani Katz and Watch Your Words by Christy Whitman (I’m starting to like these 30 day challenges, wink).

A Simple Meditation Method That Works for Me

The benefits of meditation are undeniable. From lowering blood pressure and improving productivity to rewiring key areas of the brain that control focus and self-awareness.

While some people consider prayer to be a form of meditation or vice versa, it has always felt different for me and I have tried a variety of methods to develop a meditation practice.

When I tried focusing on my breath, I felt like I was hyperventilating or unable to take a good deep breath. I’ve tried guided meditations but didn’t feel relaxed afterward. I’ve tried relaxing my body incrementally from head to toe. I’ve never tried a mantra because I always thought a certified meditation guru had to assign one.

Since none of these methods ever worked, I had no luck making meditation a habit.

To be fair, I was never sure what the goal of meditation was beyond training your mind to not freak out when the shit hit the fan by building that calm muscle when life was normal.

In the past year, I discovered a purpose and method of meditation that resonates.

Purpose: To quiet the mind.

Method: Pick a constant sound in the environment and focus on that. (The hum of a refrigerator or air conditioner, a lawnmower or at this time of year, locusts buzzing outside). These types of noises are fairly common in any environment.

Duration: 10-20 min tops. At least that’s what works for me. I set a timer for 16 minutes.

If I catch myself thinking of a problem or situation, I just redirect my focus to the sound.

I try to meditate within a half hour of waking up. There’s evidence that your brain is in a optimal state for the benefits of meditation soon after waking. (We’re talking brain waves-alpha, beta, gamma, delta, theta-all of which indicate a certain level of activity).

I think the practice has made me feel better overall. That can’t be a bad thing. I’m not an anxious person by nature but it has helped me worry less about things that come up.

Here’s a fun anecdote: I was looking for a magnifying glass to read micro print on something. After looking in a few drawers, I thought to myself: “My subconscious knows exactly where I put it.” I stopped looking and set the timer for 5 minutes to meditate. Within a couple of minutes, I knew exactly where it was and went right to it. (If that hadn’t worked, St. Anthony never fails).

If you’ve been trying to establish a meditation practice, this simple method might help.

We Interrupt This 30 Day Writing Challenge

I experienced a temporary lockout to the dashboard of this site yesterday. One of the benefits of switching to a self-hosted site and choosing Hostgator (affiliate link)* is their excellent customer and technical support.

I don’t experience many technical glitches with this site but any time I have a question or issue, I have always been able to resolve it with a quick call (or Instant messaging) to customer service.

I had an idea what had happened (plugin update that was incompatible with the wordpress version) and might have been able to resolve the problem on my own with googled step-by-step instructions but calling made it so much easier and the tech was happy to help. (She was super sweet, too).

One bonus during this support call is that I was able to add a security certificate to each of the website I run (including this one) for free. The tech person just went through each one and added it while I waited.

So, yeah, I missed September 12 of this self-imposed 30 day writing challenge. If you’ve ever considered starting a blog or creating a website, I highly recommend doing a self-hosted site (as opposed to something like blogger if that even exists).

I wrote a post about why I switched years ago and those reasons are still valid. Hostgator has been a great fit for me.

*If you follow this link and make a purchase, I receive a commission at no additional cost to you-I really appreciate it. If you’d rather not use my link and still want to check out Hostgator, open a new window in your browser and type in “Hostgator”.

Another Thing I Suck At

Birthdays.

My own and other people’s.

I don’t like the attention, opening gifts, getting gifts. My main goal on my birthday is not to have to pick up after anyone, cook, do the dishes or referee any arguments. Which, as the kids get older is easier to achieve.

Gifts are not my love language. At all!

Acts of service light me up. Not giant ones. Take out the trash without being asked. Put away the groceries (although I definitely won’t be grocery shopping on my birthday), put away your laundry, pick up your socks.

I’m also not a dessert person so if you pick up donuts in the morning or a cake for after dinner, I know it’s for you. 😉

I don’t mind getting older, a “happy birthday” or a drink with friends or a meal out. I’m not a total weirdo.

I love the kids’ birthdays only because I think about them all day and I like to think that they feel special on that day but I am terrible at gifts so I just ask them what they want or need. Since I’m not a gifter throughout the year, I really don’t care how much what they want or need costs.

Mark, God bless him, sometimes shows up with a bag of junk or a cool something-or-other that they usually love-but I cannot do that so I just don’t try.

Let’s Talk About the Weather

We’ve had an exceptionally beautiful late August and September so far. I’m in the minority in thinking that Pittsburgh weather isn’t too gloomy.

I know we have few days of sunshine throughout the year but our seasons seem perfect to me.

Give me cool mornings and evenings with some sunshine (or clouds) in between. I’m good.

We did have a few torrential rainfalls this summer. That wasn’t fun.

I’m appreciating the weather this week. That’s all.

I’m Not That Parent

I remember a conversation Mark and I had about how so many of the parents of the kids he teaches have really high standards for their kids academically, athletically and in general as in those kids are going to be surgeons, CEOs or software engineers (or all three and more).

The conversation was going down the road of us having higher standards for our kids but I didn’t agree. How can I demand more from my kids than I did for myself?

I never strived for perfection or the highest or the best in any area, I’m just not wired that way. Mark has the highest standards for knowing and teaching tennis but not for other things.

“Good enough” is kind of our standard for almost every other area. Sometimes I wish I were different but I’m not.

The parents to which Mark was referring are surgeons and CEOs and software engineers (or all three and more). I would be unnatural for us to demand excellence of our children in anything but kindness and consideration of others.

Motivation, in my opinion, is innate. A person has to figure out for himself what lights him up. If one of the kids wants to be the best at something, they’ll work towards that distinction to his satisfaction.

External rewards (in this case, our approval) work temporarily but studies show that they are short-lived. When the reward is no longer attached to the desired outcome, the desired outcome decreases or disappears. That makes sense to me.

I’m proud of the people my kids are growing into but I’m more happy for them that they’re figuring out what lights them up and having fun with success in those endeavors. They know that they’ll make mistakes or have to change plans but that’s fine, too.

P.S. I admire parents who have enjoyed excellence from their own efforts and inspire (maybe demand) the same in their own children. Different isn’t better or worse, just something I think about and tried to put into words here.

Acknowledging the Things I’m Not Good At

I wanted to like gardening because I appreciate other nice looking gardens and prefer a fresh vegetable if I’m going to eat one that’s growable.

It took me a while to acknowledge that I don’t like to garden and I’m not very good at it.

I’m decent at decluttering but I’m a only “good enough” cleaner.

I’m terrible at decorating. Partly because I truly don’t want to bother buying this or that to put here or there. I don’t like a lot of STUFF around that isn’t functional (knick-knacks, dust collectors, chatzkis). The more things I have around for decoration, the more the random socks or sweatshirts or athletic paraphernalia bothers me. The stringing machine has been in our TV room since June. I don’t even see it anymore.

I’m not good at and rarely want to discuss my feelings. I’d rather get right to the practical solution of a problem in order to smooth out my feelings about it.

I’m not a great listener. I mean just listening. I’m more inclined to help solve a thing. I want to get better at that. (Not the solving part, the just listening part).

I am not an activist. I’m a decent advocate for people I love but not at all in a broader sense.

It’s funny that I only recently gave myself permission to recognize and accept these things about myself. One of the benefits of getting older, I guess.